Ask Ryan…

Why do men always assume women want relationships? -Jesse, Syracuse University

By Candy

Because you do! Nah, I’m just playing, but, honestly, these assumptions are made because, for the most part, the first person to crack in the “friends with benefits” relationship is the girl. Guys can hook up with a girl and think nothing of it. Yes, some of you girls can, too. But, literally, I’m talking 99 percent of guys. You don’t see many guys complaining to their boys about how you’re just using him for his body. We assume you want a relationship because, in a way, guys feel guilty, even if it’s just a little.

We know that, although you may not want a boyfriend, someones “hook up buddy” also doesn’t categorize your worth quite as well as it should. My advice would be to express what you’re feeling so that you’re both on the same page. If you don’t want a relationship with him, be clear from the beginning so that things are cool and comfortable. Guys don’t know what you want after a hook up or two. But if you don’t tell us, then we’ll just keep assuming that you’re seeing anniversaries in your future.

Why is it so hard for guys to share their feelings? It always seems that guys just don’t know what they want or how they feel? Is it about being immature? -Flate, Drew University

Though every guy is different, most find it tough to share their feelings because, in some way, they feel like they’ll lose a little bit of power. Once we express that you mean something to us, we’ve become vulnerable to your next move. You could do anything with that information, and that’s a bit unsettling. Also, a lot of what a guy does, or how he thinks, is influenced by his friends. Unfortunately, this is the reason your boyfriend is all warm when you’re alone and then mildly frigid when his boys enter the room. Immaturity definitely takes part blame for a guy’s fickle behavior. Mature friends wouldn’t judge him for cuddling with his girl on the couch. Then again, with hundreds of girls running around campus, immaturity means raging hormones that hate restrictions. If a guy doesn’t know what he wants and can’t express himself to you, move on. He’s not that interested. If showing him that you won’t waste your time makes him show some feelings, then so be it. But he may not be mature enough to handle the type of relationship that you’re looking for, anyway.

Have a guy question, need relationship advice or wanna bitch about your man? Submit your thoughts to Ryan at ryan@collegecandy.com. He’ll provide you with words of wisdom in the next candy!