A Chocolate Meltdown

Bad news. According to some article I read yesterday while sitting in Stats lecture, there is a severe cocoa shortage happening as we speak.

By Lauren

I am not really an economics/business minded person, so I can’t tell you why there is a shortage, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that there is. And I am scared. My life revolves around chocolate. I turn to my good friend Cocoa in times of happiness and times of extreme boy-related-depression. How can I go on without it?! 

- What will I nosh on late into the night when I am studying for finals?

- How will I be able to warm up without my hot cocoa after a long day of walking to class in these frigid Michigan winters?

- What will I eat to make myself feel better when my boyfriend and I get into a fight because I see him flirting with another (much skankier/worse dressing) girl at the bar?

- And, most importantly, what will I pour all over his body when he apologizes, telling me I’m the only one he wants/needs/could ever hope for, and we have mind blowing make-up sex?

Seriously, I am distraught. A life without chocolate is almost as bad as a life without my really fabulous vintage Gucci bag. Or without sex. And a life without sex drives me to eat chocolate. OH MY GOD! What if I can’t get either!? I need to get to the store now and stock up. You may think I’m crazy, but you will be singing a different tune when Nestle taps out in your time of need and I am swimming in a of Hershey’s wrappers.