“It’s Almost Bathing Suit Season” Freak Out

Spring is here (sorta, at least). You know what that means: boxed wine on the porch, boys in khaki cargo shorts and blue button downs – mmmm – and, for me, an annual “It’s Almost Bathing Suit Season” freak out.

By Lauren

I didn’t even realize how close summer was until I woke up for my 9am class this morning and saw that it was already 55 degrees out. Clearly, I was excited at the prospect of leaving the house without Uggs for the first time in 5 months, but that soon passed as I realized my impending doom.

After returning from class I spent my three hour break (usually reserved for catching up on my TiVo) doing the following:

11:15 – 11:40: Stare at thunder thighs in mirror from all angles.

11:40 – 11:50: Cry.

11:50 – 12:06: Stare at beer belly from all angles.

12:06 – 12: 08: Cry.

12:08 – 12:14: Answer phone call from mom. Yell at her for genetically large thighs and belly.

12:14 – 12:25: Cry/Eat a cookie to feel better.

12:25 – 1:15: Play Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera/Awesome 80’s music and dance around my room to burn off the calories from that cookie.

1:15-1:16: Crunches (then my abs started burning, so I had to stop)

1:16 – 2:15: Concede defeat and watch American Idol on TiVo. Sidenote – Sanjaya makes me want to cry.

I eventually returned to class where I spent the duration making a list of all the people I have to call in order to prepare for the summer months; namely, Rosa, the lady who does all my “bathing suit waxing.” Winter is officially over. And, while I never thought I would say this, I am counting the days until it returns. Not because I love the cold and brown snow. More because I can bring back the oversized sweats and avoid the bi-monthly pain of Rosa’s artistry.