Fitness Flops – Shoes to Get You In Shape
So, I got these shoes. They’re called “Shape Up Shoes”, which is a silly, silly name. I’mma go ahead and call ‘em “Fitness Flops”, which is far more clever.
Anyway, these shoes were just chillin’ in my office’s infamous Sample Pile and I was all, “Hey, I’m supes short and have size 6 feet! Bring on the platform flips!” Then upon further investigation, I found that said flips were not normal flips at all, but Fitness Flops – aka flips perched atop a bizarre plateau.
Me: Well that’s weird.
Their scheme effectively deployed, I found myself on www.shapeupshoes.com. The shoes allege that they promote weight loss, posture, and balance while reducing lower back pain, plantar fasciitis, lymphedema, poor circulation, diabetes, varicose veins, spider veins, cellulite, and cold feet. I’m surprised they don’t heal gun shot wounds or Gonorrhea!
Now, I was at work, and I don’t think that Fitness Flops qualify as “business casual”, so I had to wait all freaking day to try on my podiatric pedestals.
I gotta say… these things are awes! I wore them around my apartment for awhile and – seriously – I could feel far different muscles working than a typical walk. Rather than working the thighs, these shoes work the glutes and calves. And walking in them is kinda like sneaky game – a veritable carnival ride for your feet.
My only beef (aside from the lame name) is the fact that they are only produced in flip-flop form (thus far, anyway). Not all of us live in California, Shape Up Shoes! How ‘bout you produce a legit pair of sneaks with the Magic Glute-Workin’ Humps for us Northeasteners, and then we’ll talk!