I Can’t Have Sex With You! I Promised Daddy!

March 26, 2007 11:09 pm     Posted in Relationships, Sex  Candy -- NYU g+ page

creepytown, usaNot since Joe Simpson said of Jessica’s rack, “She’s got double-D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!” have I been so creeped out by a father-daughter relationship.


By Candy

According to this Yahoo article, Purity Balls are on the rise.

What’s a Purity Ball, you ask? Oh, y’know, it’s just like a Sweet Sixteen or a Bat Mitzvah, except that instead of celebrating a girl’s coming-of-age, it is the celebration of a girl’s sexual repression as enforced by her father and The Christian Right.

And instead of getting a digital camera or a car, she gets a Chastity Ring! Good times!

The purpose of said Purity Ball is for father and daughter to exchange the following vows:

Dad: Pumpkin, I’ll protect your chastity and live an unblemished life.

Daughter: Daddy, I won’t have sex until I’m passed on to my next owner husband.

Seriously… is there anything more spine-chilling than a 10 year old girl, dolled up in white, looking her father in the eye and vowing not to have sex until she’s married? Or, worse, a father in a tuxedo, peering down upon his pre-pubescent daughter and promising to not jerk it to online pornography? Ew, ew, ewww!

But, y’know, maybe I’m judging too harshly. I mean, it makes sense: saving yourself until marriage totally jives with America’s 50+% divorce rate… and the whole abstinence thing has worked out swimmingly for priests.

Oh, wait, wait, what’s that you say, researchers at Columbia and Yale? 88% of pledgers wind up having sex before marriage? The devil, you say!!!

“Unfortunately these young people tend, once they start to have sex, to have more partners in a shorter period of time and to use contraception much less than their non-pledging peers,” said Debra Hauser, executive vice president at Advocates for Youth. “Teens may pledge with the best of intention… and then as they break their pledges they are so shamed and embarrassed that it’s unlikely they will go for help.”

So much for Purity Balls. …heh, I said “balls”.

How do you feel about Purity Balls?

4 Comments on "I Can’t Have Sex With You! I Promised Daddy!"

  1. Bob says:
    Mon, 26th Mar 20077:17 pm 

    I assume that since the promise not to have sex ONLY applies to girls! So the boys can have at it. The only problem is that the only ones to have sex with are other boys. Hmmmn! Aren't these fridget religious types agains gay sex? Whole thing seems pretty fucked up to me, pun intended!

  2. Dana says:
    Tue, 27th Mar 20074:10 am 

    that is creepy

  3. C. Ryder - Universit says:
    Wed, 16th Apr 20086:07 pm 

    I endorse it! This is just great! Yeah for D-e-a-d-d-y! Blech!

  4. kelly says:
    Sat, 14th Jan 20122:41 pm 

    I like the idea. Too many people are sluts these days and it's already coming back to bite us (teenage pregnancy and STDS). And by the way, why is every article on this stupid website about casual sex? Can't we have some articles talking about abstinence or virginity in a more positive way? This place is way to one sided and everyone is so cruel to virgins. It's sickening. It's none of you business when and if a girl decides to lose her virginity, so just shut up!

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