Nature’s Nasty Little Trick
This may be a bit of a public place to announce this, but since none of you can actually see me – which is a good thing considering I am writing this in my skivvies – I feel a little more comfortable sharing my most intimate details. Like the fact that I am currently a la rag.
Yes, just like this time a mere 30 days ago, I am riding the ole’ crimson wave. Which, as you know, isn’t nearly as fun as it sounds. No surfboards. Not hot dudes with 6 packs. Just cramps (ow), attitude (bitch slaps abound), and a whole lot of chocolate (get between me and a cookie and you better pray for that little life of yours).
Oh, and one big case of horniness.
I don’t know who invented the period, but God, if you are listening, I deplore you. Not only do I have to deal with bloating and a feeling of general filth once a month, but I have to add that to an unyielding sense of lust (for anything with 2 legs and testosterone, might I add)?
It is unfair. I spend a week of every month dreaming of seas of chocolate and lines of men. And I really mean dreaming. This morning I woke up hugging my pillow. It took a few minutes to realize that my dream involving me and the cutest boy ever from my stats class was just a dream. But a damn good dream at that.
Then I went to class and found myself picturing everyone – including my T.A. – naked. Covered in chocolate. I think I even started drooling at one point…and I wasn’t even asleep.
Yet I can’t act on my urges.
1. It’s naaaasty
2. I look naaaaaasty (fat pants and all)
So what can I do? Replace sex with more chocolate, I suppose. Or, stay home and sleep (and dream…mmmm). Or simply walk around like the raging hormone that I am and find someone – ANYONE – to take me home and take total advantage of me.
Ugh. I think I will just take some Midol and hope for the best.