Nature’s Nasty Little Trick

April 3, 2007 10:20 am     Posted in HaHa, Sex  Lauren - University of Michigan g+ page

chocolate-and-bed-final.jpgThis may be a bit of a public place to announce this, but since none of you can actually see me – which is a good thing considering I am writing this in my skivvies – I feel a little more comfortable sharing my most intimate details. Like the fact that I am currently a la rag.

Yes, just like this time a mere 30 days ago, I am riding the ole’ crimson wave. Which, as you know, isn’t nearly as fun as it sounds. No surfboards. Not hot dudes with 6 packs. Just cramps (ow), attitude (bitch slaps abound), and a whole lot of chocolate (get between me and a cookie and you better pray for that little life of yours).

Oh, and one big case of horniness.

I don’t know who invented the period, but God, if you are listening, I deplore you. Not only do I have to deal with bloating and a feeling of general filth once a month, but I have to add that to an unyielding sense of lust (for anything with 2 legs and testosterone, might I add)?

It is unfair. I spend a week of every month dreaming of seas of chocolate and lines of men. And I really mean dreaming. This morning I woke up hugging my pillow. It took a few minutes to realize that my dream involving me and the cutest boy ever from my stats class was just a dream. But a damn good dream at that.

Then I went to class and found myself picturing everyone – including my T.A. – naked. Covered in chocolate. I think I even started drooling at one point…and I wasn’t even asleep.

Yet I can’t act on my urges.

1. It’s naaaasty

2. I look naaaaaasty (fat pants and all)

So what can I do? Replace sex with more chocolate, I suppose. Or, stay home and sleep (and dream…mmmm). Or simply walk around like the raging hormone that I am and find someone – ANYONE – to take me home and take total advantage of me.

Ugh. I think I will just take some Midol and hope for the best.

7 Comments on "Nature’s Nasty Little Trick"
  1. Chris says:
    Sat, 7th Apr 200710:23 pm 

    IF you are that girl in the picture I will totaly feed you chocolate while taking advantage of you.

  2. Mark Thompson says:
    Thu, 11th Oct 20076:13 am 

    This is a common reality. Estrogen levels along with endorphins rise. I had previous girlfriends who not only craved it then but intercourse relieved cramps. Real lovers apease thier partners regardless.

  3. Lisa says:
    Wed, 26th Dec 200710:34 pm 

    No matter how horny I get during my period, there is no way in HELL I'm letting anyone into my pants. Ew ew ew. (Though I gotta say, Mark you are a brave man.)

  4. Carlo says:
    Wed, 24th Sep 20087:37 pm 

    Its nature, I love women at this time, and appreciate even the messy sheets.

  5. Kat says:
    Sun, 31st May 200912:17 am 

    Vibrator time for me!

  6. Anna says:
    Tue, 14th Dec 201011:06 pm 

    My boy doesn't mind in at all. He puts a towel under the sheet and loves the extra wet-ness and horny-ness.

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