For those of you who hail from faraway places, who can’t hop home to bask in the unconditional love and glazed ham of home, you need not don lingere and whore yourself on a street corner to get your fill of Easter fun. Plus it’s too damn cold for that.
Furthermore, some of us, I’m not saying that this was me, may have spent the last depressing holiday sitting in a dark dorm room, afraid to leave for fear of running into canoodling couples. Do we really need to repeat that fatfest with Peeps and Cadbury eggs? I think not. Spring is the time of mini-dresses, not baggy sweatpants.
How is a college girl to survive Easter?
1. Get yourself in the mood. Turn on some low music, light a few candles, lock your door and click on this: www.dailybunny.com.
2. Pink Peeps are made of pure chemicals, but so is pink TaB. In the sprit of the season, make yourself a little cocktail I like to call a Lil’ Kim (what ever happened to her anyway?) because it’s full of fake stuff and it’s bright like a plastic wig. One can of TaB energy drink, a generous amount of vodka, topped off with at least four cherries. Sweet like a Peep, not too hard on the old waistline, and it’s pretty much guaranteed to make you smile.
3. So what if you don’t have your mom around to glaze you a delicous ham, walk it off. You’re in college now. Wendy’s isn’t exactly classy fare, but neither is drinking little a Lil’ Kim and while staring at pictures of bunnies. Imagine piping hot curly fries with a big fatty ham sandwich with melted cheese. “Your favorite deli cuts of turkey and black forest ham mounded high on our freshly baked artisan bread, topped with 2 bacon strips, lettuce, tomato and mayo.” I know it’s not home-cooking, but it’s so good. Trust me.
3. In honor of Paris, plop down on your futon with a couple of dvds worth of the Simple Life, eat your fatty sandwich, get wasted, and feel a whole lot better about your b-side holiday celebration when you listen to Paris muse about just what sort of walls Wal-mart sells.