The Pussy Pump. No Really; That is What It’s Called.

I don’t want to sound all creepy (or pathetic), but I thought I was pretty knowledgeable when it came to masturbation. I mean, I know how to do it. I know different toys to use. And I do it on occasion (some occasions occurring more frequently than others).

So you can imagine my shock when I was informed about this new little double duty ditty.

Ok, I have heard of many uses for a pump:

1. Filling a tire

2. Filling a gym ball

3. Making your lips look plumper (if you are really weird)

But for self induced sexual satisfaction? This is quite new to me. And slightly new to the rest of the world. Apparently, this form of masturbation has been used in small circles nationwide for years, but has only recently hit the mainstream (i.e. Lover’s Lanes across the country).

The rapid growth (pun fully intended) of this product lies in its ability to do two things at once: stimulate you and plump you up. I immediately have to wonder why any woman would want a plump vagina (I mean, we all know that an oversized va-jay-jay has caused only problems for our pal from Laguna), but apparently men find an engorged vagina to be quite sexy. Oh, and it also makes you muuuch more sensitive.

Just be careful to study the pussy pump instructions closely before using; doing it wrong could land you a giant hoo-hoo hickey.