He Has Girlfriend. Should I Care?

I remember the night that I first met this guy. In my head it plays out like a movie scene—the room began to move in slow motion, everyone else around me faded away. He was just that beautiful. When we shook hands I felt a spark and saw the twinkle in his eyes that made me fall in love with him every single time I saw him. Unfortunately, after doing a bit of research around town, I learned that he had a girlfriend. Freakin’ figures, right?

He and I ended up becoming really close friends, and spent a lot of time together. My feelings for him never went away and it began to be kind of a running joke between the two of us, and everyone else we knew—our friends knew, his girlfriend thought it was funny. And sometimes I thought I was crazy, but I always felt like there was something else there between us. I would catch him staring at me from across the room, and every time he would walk past me he had to put his hands on me someplace. But… he loved his girlfriend so I didn’t think too much about it and figured it was part of the running joke.

One night when all of us were out together, I felt like something had changed between us. It was different for some reason. Not different in a bad way, but different in a he’s-going-to-cheat-on-his-girlfriend way. And low and behold, when we were walking home together, he suddenly backed me up against a wall and kissed me. I was shocked. He was shocked. And he wanted to know what I was thinking.

So here’s my question—is it my problem to worry about you being faithful in your relationship? His girlfriend wasn’t a good friend of mine. I had been in love with him for (I kid you not) five years. And I really, really, really, really, with everything inside of me, WANTED him. But could I knowingly let him cheat on someone? I mean, I did. I think the words, “You know I could never say no to you,” actually escaped my mouth. How corny can you get?

But I have honestly lived with guilt ever since it happened. He and his girl broke up a few weeks later—apparently they weren’t as happy in their relationship as I had thought they were. But still. I was the other woman. But at the same time, it’s not my problem to make sure you are faithful, right?

The thing about this is, it appears that I have “OTHER WOMAN” written across my forehead. Not in a Scarlet Letter kind of way—no one ever found out about me and this guy until we started fooling around when he was single. But how many other guys have pulled the same shit with me? I went to school in Europe, and right before I moved back to the States I had another guy confess his undying love for me, and continuously try and get me to go home with him. His girlfriend I like, so he hasn’t gotten too far. But I have to admit, when a guy is continuously telling you how much he cares about you, and how beautiful you are, it’s hard to resist.

So what’s a girl to do? I’m trying to do the right thing, but it appears that all the men out there are bastards. I mean, do all men cheat? Do I make myself unavailable to single men cause I’m scared of commitment? Is it the thrill of the chase? Or are there just no single men out there that are worth being in relationships with?

I’ve been cheated on before and it sucks. Hard. And I always wanted to find the bitch that my man had gone home with and rip her hair out. So I guess the answer is there. I did a bad thing. But… what was I supposed to do? I just couldn’t resist that twinkle in his eyes.