Poetic License to Suck: Very Bad Lyrics

I listen to a lot of music. A lot of music. I’m sort of a music whore, downloading new stuff all the time, listening to it 12 times in a row, and then getting bored and looking for the next big thing. iTunes is like my pimp; I just can’t say no, even though it charges too much and never says thank you.

By Jess

Because of this fixation, I have heard a lot of bad lyrics in my time. If the music is bumpin’, sometimes it’s allowed. But every once in a while I come across a line I cannot let go. A sentence that is so horrible, so strange, so stupid, that I must find the lyrics online and dissect them.

Apparently, this website has the same obsession.

Some examples?

“Relentless lust/

Of rotting flesh/

To thrash the tomb she lies/

Heathen whore/

Of Satan’s wrath/

I spit at your demise” – Slayer

(Ah. Heathen whore. One of my favorite nicknames.)

“There were plants/

And birds/

And rocks/

And things” – America

(I made that observation once. While high.)

A personal favorite of mine comes straight from R. Kelly’s masterpiece “Trapped in the Closet”

“And she cries out, ‘oh my goodness i’m about to climax’ /

and i say ‘cool, climax, just let go of my leg!’ /

she says ‘you’re the perfect lover’/

i said, ‘i can’t go no father’ /

then i flipped back the cover /

oh my god a rubber!”

Fantastic, no?