College Candy

As if we didn’t have enough to worry about these days. As if global warming and high gas prices and the war in Iraq and the possible disappearance of polar bears and rapid growth of Al Gore’s stomach wasn’t enough to make us want to hide under the covers until it was all over, apparently we are now killing bees everywhere with our CELL PHONES.

I’m not sure if you heard, but bees ain’t nowhere to be found these days. According to the above mentioned independent UK article, since last year “the West Coast is thought to have lost 60 per cent of its commercial bee population, with 70 per cent missing on the East Coast”. 60 per cent of our freaking bees are gone! They just up and disappeared, and for a while no one had any idea why.

Now, there are scientists who think the reason for the bee flip-out has to do with our cell phones. According to them, the radiation from our phones are jiggling their little bee brains and causing them to “refuse to return to their hives”. There isn’t a lot of proof to this theory, but enough people are mumbling about it to garner attention.

Oh, to be young in 2007! What a joy it is to know I might actually be killing harmless little pollinators with my Virgin Mobile! What a joy to know that bees are suddenly dying everywhere, and according to Albert Einstein (and this article), once the bees go, humans only have “four years of life left”!

Awesome. I’m gonna go call my friends and tell them all about it.