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Avoiding the Fat Girlfriend Trap
April 17, 2007 Posted in Style
This past Saturday I woke up to a plate of food shoved in my face. After I wiped the sleep out of my eyes, I realized that my boyfriend had made me breakfast in bed. Although my first reaction was “Awwww,” with the warm fuzzy feelings and whatnot, upon closer inspection of the plate I wanted to vom. One very cheesy grilled cheese, mashed potatoes slathered in butter, and bacon.
I’m not a large girl by any means, I don’t know if this breakfast was an attempt to fatten me up, or just made because the guy knew that I liked grilled cheese, bacon, and occassionally mashed potatoes. When I say that I like grilled cheese, I mean that sporadically I will eat one for lunch. I scarf a couple of slices of bacon every month or so. Mashed potatoes are strictly for the holidays. I’m very much a veggie-wraps, grilled chicken, and salad kind of gal. To be faced with a plate like this and a very eager face waiting for my approval, well it was a little much for 10AM on a Saturday.
I ended up eating the entire plate, all the while feeling myself slowly expanding. Not only that, he wanted to order pizza for dinner. If I protest, I run the risk of looking like a typical diet obsessed female, to give in is only sentencing me to more ellipitical time in the coming week.
What’s a girl to do when faced with a guy who loves to eat junk food? First of all, this is an unfair position to put me in the first place. If this guy loves to stroke my flat stomach and then pouts when I don’t order a double-cheese burger with bacon and fries when we go out to eat, what does he expect me to do? Obviously I’m going to order the salad. Only about 1% of the population can chow down on big fatty burgers and still look fabulous. So here are a few things I learned about eating with the boys:
1. Scarf slowly, very very slowly. When faced with a giant plate of spaghetti and meat-balls at some romantic restaurant with mood lighting and smarm music, take your sweet time savoring your meal and take the other half home. This works like a charm, because the guy will end up raiding the fridge for the left-overs later.
2. Know when to make substitutions. When you’re out drinking with him and his buddies at the bar, choose the light beer. I don’t care what it is. Just do it. Although that Belgian Wheat Ale is oh so delicious, if you’re going to be drinking more than a couple of beers, make them light unless you want to develop a frat boy gut.
3. I’m a big fan of ordering an appetizer along with a salad if you’re looking to cut calories when eating out. Suggest going to a restaurant that is going to have healthy choices. Thai, Vietnamese, and Japanese food are all good bets. Italian is a little trickier, what with all the pasta. Indian food can be okay, as long as you steer clear of the cream sauces and fried Samosas. I know, it’s tragic. Samosas are so damn good. If you opt for an order, only eat one. There are options anywhere you go, from veggie pizza to grilled chicken burgers (no mayo).
4. Down green tea like it’s your job after any especially hearty meal. It boosts your metabolism. I don’t remember why, but I do know that I read about it in USA Today. Not the most reputable source for sure, but have you noticed how everyone who is anyone is drinking the stuff? It must be good. Plus all that H20 is good for your skin, especially if you are eating more than your fair share of fries. If green tea isn’t available, chug ice water. Your body expends mad calories heating up all that cold water. Just don’t go crazy. We’ve all heard about those marathoners and pledges who have died from drinking too much water.
5. Don’t be afraid to call your guy out for protesting if you order something “wimpy” aka not smothered in butter, bacon, or deep fried. I had to do it myself.
“You’re drinking Miller Light? I thought you liked wheat beers?”
“You think I look like this by drinking wheat beer all the time? Sometimes you gotta go light.” He really couldn’t protest. After all, he had spent the morning oogling me in little to no clothing.
6. Don’t stress out about this too much, just know that if you start eating like a guy…inhaling entire pizzas, guzzling beer, and frequenting Chinese food buffets- you might lose your girlish figure. Good luck noshing.
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optimusprime says:
Tue, 17th Apr 20079:03 pm
green tea boosts your metabolism because it contains caffeine.
also you should point out that you mean 'green tea you make with a bag' is good for you. buying bottles shit is just going to be loaded with different preservatives and sugars that will do the opposite.
JC says:
Tue, 27th Nov 20077:14 pm
Your boyfriend may be one of those guys who are attracted to girls who gain weight. Don't beleive there are any? Check this out: http://fatgirlfriends.vze.com
JC says:
Fri, 14th Mar 20085:07 pm
How to fatten up your wife or girlfriend: http://www.ehow.com/how_2218793_fatten-up-wife-gi…
Heather says:
Wed, 9th Apr 20084:35 am
So…yeah if you eat grilled chicken, veggie wraps, and add more exercise every time you have an extra slice of pizza or what-not you ARE a typical diet obsessed girl.
PS: I know women of every size with good shapes/figures. Most would rather have a womanly shape than a "girlish figure" anyway.
Good luck with the self deprivation.
concerned anonymi says:
Wed, 9th Apr 20089:35 am
Honestly, if you think all this, you are stressing out about it way too much. Honestly, most of you girls look like guys because of the way you keep your bodies. I like my girls to look like women, not boys with padded bras. If you get fat you get fat, that's how your body reacts. React accordingly and don't push it on others. Metabolisms work differently for everyone so it doesn't matter what you say works, cause it probably won't work for anyone else.
Mike says:
Wed, 9th Apr 200810:04 am
But you are a typical diet-obsessed female, or otherwise you wouldn't have written an article fretting over goddamn breakfast.
jen says:
Wed, 28th May 20088:10 pm
I understand you. I am on a 2000 calorie a day diet (more than I need) and this is hard to maintain with my significant other otgrting 600 calorie iced coffees, breakfast, lunch, and going out to dinner.
Tom says:
Wed, 19th Nov 200812:15 am
I'm a normal guy in most sexual respects (normal considering how varied and diverse the subject can be) and can empathize with your boyfriend. Some guys, myself included, get pleasure out of seeing women enjoy food. My girl is not a stick and she's certainly not fat. I don't get pleasure out seeing a girl gain weight. But enjoying food is totally different- it's sexy when a girl takes something into her body and gets pleasure out of it (sound familiar?) It's also enjoyable to see a girl lose her inhibitions and scarf down some rich meal.
It's totally natural for a guy to feel that way (although guys are conditioned by the system as well in the respect that they feel they need to find the starving-model-figure attractive.) That's why a lot of guys don't admit it. In any case, their are plenty of healthy ways for a girl to go about pleasing her bf in this fashion, and some of your suggestions are great. Once in a while it's good to throw the fella a bone, though. Putting on the sad puppy face and begging for a sundae after a hearty meal will probably turn the guy on, and if done in moderation, won't have repercussions on your figure.
kyle says:
Sat, 27th Jun 200911:36 pm
dude tom that was one weird a$$ paragraph to read. I dont know any guys, or girls, or really anyone who find it sexually attractive to watch people eat or know that they are eating high calorie foods. I think a more logical explanation would be that if he made you a meal and put hard work into it, your guy would be a little put out if you didnt enjoy it, or worse, wasted it. And for the other people bashin on this girl, are you dumb? Some people just like to take care of themselves. If you dont take care of yourself, who will? Your mom?
Joe the Drunk says:
Sun, 28th Jun 20096:27 am
How do I un-fatten my woman, without hurting her feelings? She exercises daily, and most of the time eats well, but she definitely likes to binge on chocolate & ice cream now and then. She looks like a porker, not the way she looked when we first met. Of course now I will get hate messages from all you ladies who think I am being mean & superficial, but please lets be fair about this. I think this is a topic worth a full entry by CC.
answering joe says:
Sat, 19th Sep 20096:30 am
well…I think inviting her to exercise with you…I've exercised with some of my friends who "exercise everyday"…and believe me what they call exercising I call ADD. What if her idea of exercise is just stepping into the gym? Also ask her if she wants to play some touch football or go for a hike…you get to spend some time together and you get to have fun!
t says:
Sat, 30th Jan 20106:30 am
My fiancee loves all the worst foods (pastries, cheesecake, sugary things,butter, butter and more butter, breads, greasy french fries etc) and needs to lose 15-20 pounds. How do I tell her she needs to do this without breaking her heart? I said today "let's go to the gym to lose some extra pounds" and she said she has no extra pounds. Her behind gets bigger by the day. What to do and still keep the relationship going? Am so in love with her but her diet's no good and her figure gets worse…
t says:
Sat, 30th Jan 20106:31 am
My fiancee loves all the worst foods (pastries, cheesecake, sugary things,butter, butter and more butter, breads, greasy french fries etc) and needs to lose 15-20 pounds. How do I tell her she needs to do this without breaking her heart? I said today "let's go to the gym to lose some extra pounds" and she said she has no extra pounds. Her behind gets bigger by the day. What to do and still keep the relationship going? Am so in love with her but her diet's no good and her figure gets worse daily. . . !
jake says:
Fri, 6th Aug 201010:09 am
so…. he did something nice for you, and because you're a FREAK, you don't like it.
anonymous says:
Sat, 7th Aug 20107:13 pm
i might be an attempt to fatten you up or i might not. if he's cooked for you before and he's good at cooking it might be an attempt to fatten you up but if he's cooked for you before and he's not very good then it might have been breakfast in bed gone wrong.
DreadNT says:
Fri, 3rd Dec 20108:25 pm
author is a typical brainwashed size 0 wannabe. "girlish figure" hahah. admit that you want a body of a 13 yr old boy – flat belly, hip bones sticking out, and god forbid an ounce of FAT.
Anonymous says:
Sun, 20th Mar 201111:46 pm
just love her for who she is and stop being shallow and selfish, and just so she keeps healthy try getting her to eat healthy food besides what she eats
JD1 says:
Sun, 28th Aug 20113:29 pm
My wife has gained 70 pounds since we've been married – judging from the wives of my friends, it's pretty common. They resist for the first couple of years and then blow up like a balloon – hopefully she'll slow down before it really starts to affect her health in a major way………get used to some extra junk, it'll happen to you too.
Jack v.2.0 says:
Tue, 20th Sep 20113:16 pm
Every time that I've been with a girl long enough to call her my girlfriend this is what happens:
1- after 3 or 4 weeks we have the "talk" about being exclusive and commited to each other.
2- the next time I see her( the next day?), she's wearing sweatpants, eating french fries and already looks 20 pounds heavier…
I admit that I tend to be attracted to curvier girls who already may be having trouble maintaining their weight – but as soon they get the girlfriend title – all inhibitions related to eating are gone….3 times I've had a girlfirend gain more than 40lbs.in less than a year, while I've maintained the same weight…WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN….I'm afraid that when I do finally get married, I'm going to end up with a 400lb. wife who needs an electric scooter to get around the grocery store
Dan says:
Thu, 22nd Sep 201110:48 pm
You may be right. My wife was curvy and maybe a bit on the "pleasantly plump" side when we met. She went on a crash diet 4 months before our weddng and lost 25 pounds. However, pretty soon after the wedding, she had packed those pounds back on and kept on going. She has ballooned to nearly 300 pounds. What happened?