Avoiding the Fat Girlfriend Trap

This past Saturday I woke up to a plate of food shoved in my face. After I wiped the sleep out of my eyes, I realized that my boyfriend had made me breakfast in bed. Although my first reaction was “Awwww,” with the warm fuzzy feelings and whatnot, upon closer inspection of the plate I wanted to vom. One very cheesy grilled cheese, mashed potatoes slathered in butter, and bacon.

I’m not a large girl by any means, I don’t know if this breakfast was an attempt to fatten me up, or just made because the guy knew that I liked grilled cheese, bacon, and occassionally mashed potatoes. When I say that I like grilled cheese, I mean that sporadically I will eat one for lunch. I scarf a couple of slices of bacon every month or so. Mashed potatoes are strictly for the holidays. I’m very much a veggie-wraps, grilled chicken, and salad kind of gal. To be faced with a plate like this and a very eager face waiting for my approval, well it was a little much for 10AM on a Saturday.

I ended up eating the entire plate, all the while feeling myself slowly expanding. Not only that, he wanted to order pizza for dinner. If I protest, I run the risk of looking like a typical diet obsessed female, to give in is only sentencing me to more ellipitical time in the coming week.

What’s a girl to do when faced with a guy who loves to eat junk food? First of all, this is an unfair position to put me in the first place. If this guy loves to stroke my flat stomach and then pouts when I don’t order a double-cheese burger with bacon and fries when we go out to eat, what does he expect me to do? Obviously I’m going to order the salad. Only about 1% of the population can chow down on big fatty burgers and still look fabulous. So here are a few things I learned about eating with the boys:

1. Scarf slowly, very very slowly. When faced with a giant plate of spaghetti and meat-balls at some romantic restaurant with mood lighting and smarm music, take your sweet time savoring your meal and take the other half home. This works like a charm, because the guy will end up raiding the fridge for the left-overs later.

2. Know when to make substitutions. When you’re out drinking with him and his buddies at the bar, choose the light beer. I don’t care what it is. Just do it. Although that Belgian Wheat Ale is oh so delicious, if you’re going to be drinking more than a couple of beers, make them light unless you want to develop a frat boy gut.

3. I’m a big fan of ordering an appetizer along with a salad if you’re looking to cut calories when eating out. Suggest going to a restaurant that is going to have healthy choices. Thai, Vietnamese, and Japanese food are all good bets. Italian is a little trickier, what with all the pasta. Indian food can be okay, as long as you steer clear of the cream sauces and fried Samosas. I know, it’s tragic. Samosas are so damn good. If you opt for an order, only eat one. There are options anywhere you go, from veggie pizza to grilled chicken burgers (no mayo).

4. Down green tea like it’s your job after any especially hearty meal. It boosts your metabolism. I don’t remember why, but I do know that I read about it in USA Today. Not the most reputable source for sure, but have you noticed how everyone who is anyone is drinking the stuff? It must be good. Plus all that H20 is good for your skin, especially if you are eating more than your fair share of fries. If green tea isn’t available, chug ice water. Your body expends mad calories heating up all that cold water. Just don’t go crazy. We’ve all heard about those marathoners and pledges who have died from drinking too much water.

5. Don’t be afraid to call your guy out for protesting if you order something “wimpy” aka not smothered in butter, bacon, or deep fried. I had to do it myself.

“You’re drinking Miller Light? I thought you liked wheat beers?”

“You think I look like this by drinking wheat beer all the time? Sometimes you gotta go light.” He really couldn’t protest. After all, he had spent the morning oogling me in little to no clothing.

6. Don’t stress out about this too much, just know that if you start eating like a guy…inhaling entire pizzas, guzzling beer, and frequenting Chinese food buffets- you might lose your girlish figure. Good luck noshing.