Talkin’ Dirty in the Sack

I used to think dirty talking was reserved for movies with titles like, “Saving Ryan’s Privates” or “Poke-My-Hontas.” The thought of whispering naughty nothings into someone’s ear made me more than slightly uncomfortable. The only thing that made me more uncomfortable, in fact, was imagining someone getting all breathy and saying those things to me.

Then I fell in love with someone who happened to be a dirty talker. And I realized just how wrong I had been.

I can’t lie, though. Our first bedroom experience was far from pleasant. We had just returned from a night at the bar (dollar pitchers, baby) and I was feisty and ready to go. I tore my clothes off, tore his clothes off and hopped into bed. Things heated up quickly. Limbs were entangled. Pillows were tossed. Then…words were spoken:

“Baby, do I make you moist?”

WHAT?! EW! MOIST!!?! I jumped off that boy and grabbed my clothes so fast you would have thought he was on fire. Ew, ew, ew, ew, EWWWW.

I didn’t know what to think. Part of me was totally and utterly repulsed by his choice of words (I mean, come on! There is nothing worse than the word moist…except maybe panties) but the other part of me looked at him in those cute little boxers and wondered if it was really that bad. I mean, he was hot and none of the other girls he’d hooked up with ever complained.

Maybe I was alone in my anti-dirty-talking feelings.

He eventually coaxed me back into the bed (by flashing that adorable grin of his). We had a little chat about my fear of the word “moist” and talking in bed in general. After a little neck biting (rarrr), he finally convinced me to try a little dirty talking myself. I started slow (“Mmmm” and “Ahhh”) and eventually opened up a little more (“That feels good” and “I wanna ride you like a pony!”).

I really started to see why so many people loved dirty talking. I felt completely open, free and really freaking HOT. I am pretty much the furthest thing from a) a porn star and b) a porn watcher, but saying those naughty things got me all hot and bothered and made me feel like I was one of those movie gals (AKA porn star).

And that made the whole experience even hotter.

I am now a big fan of the kinky convos. Not only have they created a lot more heat in the bedroom (or on the couch/in the car/in the pool), but they also allow me and my man to try new and exciting things that we never would have even known we wanted had we never spoken.

“Moist”, however, is still banned from all bedroom conversation. Actually, all conversations in general. Ew!

Want to do a little dirty talking but don’t know where to start? Here are a few tips and pointers to get you started. Yeehaw!