The Bachelor Cuts the Fat (Or Tries To)

Our fearless Bachelor is dealing with a pretty lean steak filled with women this time around. The most he could do last night was crush little orphan Amber’s dreams of marrying him barefoot, in a seaside ceremony (you just KNOW he’s gonna have one of those weddings).

By CC Staff

I felt bad for Amber and the important social welfare issues her story raised (child endangerment, rape of a minor, pedophilia), but where are the crazies this season? I want to see someone go off the wall and start biting. These girls are all wayyyyy too normal.

Wait. No they’re not. They’re looking for “love” on The Bachelor! There MUST be something wrong with them, we just have to look hard and carefully. Fine. I like a challenge.

The home visits are always kind of awkward and boring, inasmuch as The Bach always seems a little depressed to find that his ladies’ moms are not hot, which means in 15 years his ladies will not be hot. What would make for good T.V. is if just once The Bach did a little switcheroo and dumped one of the gals for her mom (or dad!!). I’ll keep dreaming.

In the meantime, I experienced a little switcheroo myself during this episode: I began to like Tessa. If it’s between her and Bevin (Danielle is a filler at this point), I emphatically support Tessa on two counts: 1. She is pure, unsullied by a previous marriage unlike her promiscuous opponent. 2. Her name does not remind me of cattle. And during the home visit, she was surprisingly REAL. Which means, of course, that she’s probably too good for Andy. Which is the prevailing paradox of The Bachelor…

 Why! why does it have to be this way? Perhaps as I study for my Postmodern Philosophy final I will find the answers.