Damn Those Hippies and Their Pot-Tarts.

Let’s face it; things have always been a little bit different in California. Although I too hail from the West coast, some fools like to classify Alaska as the “North Coast”—which is crazy talk. I consider myself distinctly from the West…or if I’m feeling global, from the Russian suburbs.

However, some states are distinctly more “West Coast” than others. If all things Western could be distilled and housed in single state, I think California would fit the bill. One thinks of Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Come on, can you think of any other state that would produce the bright mind behind pot-laced sweets?

From Pot Tarts to Budtella, Californians were getting their munchies and marijuana together in a rare form of stoner multi-tasking. To be fair, a lot of the people who were buying this stuff were sick patients easing their symptoms through medical marijuana—which is now legal in California.

But don’t you think a marijuana candy is just a little bit much, what with sugar loving children residing in California and all? People have been making a stink recently about how fast food companies market to our scores of little sticky-handed butterballs, so marketing candy with pot in it…well even Spicoli probably could have figured that one out.

So the feds rounded out Kenneth Affolter, the marijuana Willy Wonka, and his posse of stoner Oompa-Loompas a couple of weeks ago and shut down his “magical factory.” Although it’s not clear how long his business had been booming, it was listed as the “Clear Soap” company…which for you literary types, is a little pun from “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” ala Hunter S. Thompson.

In a surprise move, Affolter’s lawyer claimed that it was “unfair” for authorities to claim that children could end up eating his delicious creations. Ah yes, gotta love that California sensibility.

But if you think this is a grand old idea but you don’t live in California, there may be something you can do to get your weed munchies taken care of. Marijuana-flavored lollipops with names like Purple Haze, Acapulco Gold, and Rasta are popping up on the shelves of convenience stores around the country.

Side note: Is fake drug food some kind of weird trend? I’m sure you all heard about that new energy drink called Cocaine which, if you were at all curious, tastes like burning. No seriously, that stuff is nasty. Imagine pop-rocks, mixed with super carbonated soda, mixed with weird tasting red-bull.

But back to the suckers, they are legal because they are made with hemp oil, which gives them the grassy taste of marijuana without consumers getting high, which obviously raises the question of what kind of loser would eat grassy tasting candy if there wasn’t even a buzz at the end?

“There are more than 70 million people in the United States who smoke marijuana. We’re catering to the audience of people who are in that smoking culture,” said Rick Watkins, marketing director for Corona, Calif.-based Chronic Candy, which uses the slogan “Every lick is like taking a hit.”

Um…yum?