Paula Takes a Tumble… And Other Drunken Ramblings

While it seems that everyone is getting tired of American Idol (including myself—thank God it’s almost over), no one seems to get bored with Paula Abdul doing stupid stuff. Which is good because—let’s face it—everything she does is a little silly.

By Candy

In latest Paula news, she has tripped “trying to avoid stepping on her Chihuahua” and broken her nose. It’s a fairly plausible story. Except that we all know Paula has a lot more than Coke in those big glasses on the judges table. I used to fall over a lot, I’m not gonna lie. And I used to blame my shoes, or all those damn cobblestones in Paris (seriously, they’re perilous), but in truth it was the mass quantity of whiskey I had consumed. I don’t drink whiskey anymore cause it makes me a little crazy. And I have managed to stay on my feet better. So… I think Paula took a drunken nose dive, and is thanking God she has a dog to blame.

If you need even more confirmation that Ms. Abdul likes to wet her palette, check out this clip. She’s making noises in this thing that I didn’t think anyone except a cartoon could make. What is she even talking about? You have to wait a second for it to really get good.

And if you’re really going to miss her drunken antics on a weekly basis—have no fear. Cause she’s got a reality show coming out. Paula gets drunk, gets a reality show. I have a friend who went into rehab, met a high power celebrity, and is now a multi-million dollar real estate agent. So I guess the moral of these two stories is—abuse substances and get a career? Sounds like… a really bad alternative to unemployment.

While I will probably never watch the Paula reality show train wreck except at 3 in the morning when I can’t sleep, I imagine it will be quasi-amusing. And after this crappy season of AI, it might be the last time I watch her on TV.

So cheers, Paula. Way to revive a career over cocktails!