My Vagina Is Closed For Business.

So I got the first shot for the HPV vaccine the other day. I don’t really mind the gyno…except for when they ask you those amazingly awkward and uncomfortable questions face-to-face (i.e. “how many partners have you had? and “Have you ever given or received oral sex?”).

By CC Staff

I mean, on the scale of slutty-ness, I’d have to say my ranking is very low…but for some reason, after being quizzed on my sexual past I’m always left feeling like a $2 hooker that hangs out on 42nd street.

The HPV vaccine seems too good to be true and yes, it only protects you from four strains of HPV (and there’s about 100) but I say that four is still better than zero, no? Anyway, they make you “talk” to the gynecologist before you get the first shot to make sure you’re a good candidate for the vaccine (must be 26 or younger, etc.).

The gyno asked me “when was the last time you were tested for AIDS and STD’s?”

Me: “About eight months ago”

Gyno: “No new partners since then?”

Me: “Err….ummm…no. I guess not…”

It hit me then. My vagina is closed for business. So closed for business, in fact, that it actually kind of hurt when she inserted the speculum (ew, gross…I know). I don’t really have a reason for why I’ve gotten so little action in the last year. I can only chalk it up to the fact that I’ve never been one for casual sex and I don’t meet many guys that I actually find all that interesting.

My friends joke that I have the highest standards of anyone they know and that I’ll never find anyone to meet these said standards. Well I say fuck that. If I can’t find a guy that I can actually have a conversation with AND be attracted to then I’ll just continue on with the next two HPV shots in hopes that sometime in the next 10 years, I WILL find someone to be prepared for. Keeping the dream alive, kids…