Hey Baby, Mind if I Insult You?

Has this happened to you?

You’re at a bar, minding your own business, talking to your friends and occasionally turning to see if that cute guy by the bathroom is actually with that girl he’s standing next to, or is just waiting in line to pee, when out of nowhere, a dude steps into your line of vision and says something slightly to very insulting. Don’t understand how it’s possible? Here are two real life examples:

Dude: “You two girls suck”

My friend and I freeze, staring at him in complete confusion.

Dude: “Seriously. You suck.”

Me: “Ok.”

I don’t know what else to say, and don’t care enough to trade insults with him. Nudging my friend with my elbow, I signal that it’s time to vacate the area.

Dude: “I mean, I’ve been here for an hour and haven’t been able to talk to either one of you!”

He grins, and asks us our names, and starts to talk to us. He’s actually friendly, but we leave soon after introductions because neither of us can forget how utterly rude he had been only moments ago.

At another bar with another friend, I’m trying to squeeze through an insanely huge crowd of people to get a beer. I can hardly breathe, and am in no mood to be yelled at by some tall, skinny, bi-speckled geek, but he continues to shout directly into my ear.

Dick: “Seriously! Is that real?”

Me: “What do you think?” I scream extra loud into his face, hoping he’ll back the hell off.

Dick: “It doesn’t look natural at all!”

My Friend: “Your face doesn’t look natural!”

And with that, she pulls me away and deeper into the crowd, leaving the geek and his geek associates to sketch out an algebraic graph of the chances of them getting laid.

Apparently, insulting girls to get them to notice you is something certain men (read: idiots) do all the time. There’s even a book written about it. The Game, by Neil Strauss, is all about how Strauss, a former social outcast, turned himself into a sex machine by becoming a Pick Up Artist.

“Most women respond to routines involving tests, psychological games, fortune telling and cold reading like addicts respond to free drugs” Strauss writes, going on to explain how a “neg” – a “barbed compliment or vaguely humorous insult” – should be employed on women who are used to getting compliments because it’ll make them “crave the PUA’s (Pick Up Artist’s) attention and approval”. Sure. If they have no self-esteem and enjoy jackasses.

I, for one, never respond well to this idiotic way of thinking. If I don’t know you, don’t insult me—it’s as simple as that. There’s a difference between being charming and being sleazy, and Strauss’s advice seems to rotate around the latter. Why insult a girl when it’s just as easy to smile, ask her a question, treat her like a cool chick you’d like to get to know? Those are the men I’m attracted to, the ones who have enough real confidence and charm to start up a conversation, without using lines or attempted psychological mindfucks. He may consider himself a P.I.M.P, but Strauss, and all his followers, will forever be geeks in my eyes. Who needs a book to tell them how to interact with the opposite sex? Who needs to rely on games and step-by-step instructions to land a date?

Grow some balls. Talk to me like a human being. Make me laugh. And leave the manual at home.