Are Your Jeans Crying Out for Help?

I will never forget the saddest day of my life. It was just another lazy Sunday, and I’d just done my monthly load of laundry. Upon removing my two favorite pairs of jeans from the dryer, I noticed something devastating: a hole… in both pairs of jeans.

By Candy

And I know you think I’m just being melodramatic, but I was legit depressed. Not for a lack of jeans, I have a great variety in my closet. But I ONLY wore these two pairs. The rest are a size too big, or a size too small; these babies have always been just right. And I’d never entertained the thought of having to give ‘em up.

So, I decided to take the next logical step: deny the hole, and continue to wear the jeans. Unfortunately, the hole that I was now modeling garnered more attention than I’d anticipated. After a few “Are those crotchless jeans?” I knew it was necessary to fix ‘em, or nix ‘em.

Had I know about Denim Therapy, my next step would have been easy and my denim-life would be sweet right now. Denim Therapy specializes in reconstructing torn or damaged jeans with some shnazzy technique not possessed by tailors.

But this genius entity was useless to me a few months ago, because nobody told me about it! So, I took my wounded babies to my ordinary tailor, who we will now refer to as The Devil. Well, The Devil told me he could fix them—no prob.

I returned three days later to pick them up. And after The Devil inappropriately asked me if the jeans had ripped because I had “thick thighs,” I jetted home to try them on.

The Devil totally screwed me.

The problem: one-inch holes on the inner thigh of the jeans. Satan’s solution: he decided to cut out the entire crotch—and replace my premium denim with some cheap, stiff material, which also happened to be 5 shades darker than my jeans. How heinous is that shit!? Basically, if I wore the jeans, I’d looked like I pissed myself.

If you, too, have an evil tailor, I’d turn to Denim Therapy to fix up your beloveds. Your jeans will get a hell of a lot more attention from the pros at DT than they would at any tailor. Each pair of jeans is evaluated to determine the proper method of reconstruction. Then, Denim Therapy uses “a unique reconstructive technique that places new cotton fibers into the existing denim fabric to replace the undesirable holes.” Yep, that means no patches!

And, it only costs $7 per inch of holes or damage, plus shipping. I paid $30 per pair of now-ruined jeans.

Please learn from my mistake, because your prized jeans deserve more than a tailor’s touch.