Asking A Guy Out: Do I Have to do Everything?

I don’t really have a problem with asking guys out. It’s pretty simple. You go up to them, compliment them on their shirt, and then say, “hey, let’s hang out sometime,” although who are we kidding — it usually comes out as: “Coffee? I like coffee. Do you like coffee? Tuesday. Let’s drink coffee on Tuesday. If you like coffee, too.” And after this initial conversation, awkward as it may be, the guy magically becomes putty in your bold, feminist hand. However, that’s where the fun ends. Nothing good has ever come of any of the relationships where I’ve been the instigator. Not to sound old – fashioned, but I think it upsets a natural (or at the very least, longstanding) balance of power. Also, I don’t want to be expected to pay for things as the pursuer. I’m no Romeo — I’m just Juliet in Romeo’s clothes.

By CC Staff

But I get really frustrated when there’s someone I like, and I’m pretty sure likes me back, and he just won’t make a goddamn move.

These days, before I even consider taking the plunge and asking out a guy, I prefer to employ all sorts of subtle tactics (that I think are blaringly obvious, of course) in the hopes that he’ll get the hint — like, um, talking to him, giving him my phone number, smiling a lot, and making sure he has my phone number entered correctly in his phone. Once I’ve maxed out those, though, with no profit return, I wonder if it’s time to give up — or take a ride on the egalitarian waterslide. Because, I keep telling myself, some guys are really immature. Some guys are scared. Some guys are intimidated by strong, confident, accomplished, beautiful women.

But seriously, do I have to do EVERYTHING? I’n not sure which is better anymore: asking a guy out and subjecting myself to his subsequent emasculation or sitting at home, brooding with my genderless friends Oreo and Law and Order. There’s no way to win. Overconfident guys usually turn out to be sleazebags, and the underconfident ones are kittens, neither of which I want to date. Whatever happened, though, to the art of subtle flirtation, the exciting buildup of complimentary banter, between a guy and girl? I need to know before I invest in a skywriter.