Not Your Average Bomb: The Gay Bomb

I’ll be the first to admit that I did some messed up shit to my frenemies during my younger years. One time in middle school, my friends and I poured Snapple and mashed strawberries in a girl’s backpack because we were fighting for absolutely no reason.

Seeing as our military isn’t in middle school (though they are in a similar predicament: fighting for absolutely no reason), I’d expect a little more tact from them. But apparently the U.S. military has come down with the mean girls-syndrome that I suffered circa the strawberry incident.

No, they didn’t mash strawberries in the backpacks of Iraqi extremists. But they did do some very Regina George-esque plotting to create a gay bomb to use against enemy soldiers. A gay bomb. Seriously.

A watchdog organization that tracks military spending exposed the U.S. military’s plan to build a bomb that could turn opposing soldiers gay—consequently shifting their focus from fighting to sex, CBS reported.

The watchdog group found that “the Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another.”

The plan was ultimately rejected, but the watchdog group obtained documents which suggest that military leaders seriously considered the bomb.

So, I find this gay bomb thing offensive on a few levels.

1. Back to my middle school theory, how f-ing immature is our military!? Instead of solid strategic planning, these fine fellas were planning on sticking their tongues out at our opponents with a classy “Haha! Now you like boys! Take that!”

2. Only the pompous, homophobic generals that lead our soldiers would be ignorant enough to think that aphrodisiacs could manipulate sexual orientation. Countless studies have shown sexual orientation to be unalterable. If aphrodisiacs have control over homosexuality, wouldn’t a lot of closeted gays be sniffing incenses and magically liking girls?

3. Even if this bomb could turn soldiers gay, it takes a real idiot to assume that being gay is indicative of poor performance in the military. It’s an age-old, uninformed assumption that all gay men are irresistibly attracted to one another. It is demeaning to homosexuals to describe them as this sub-species: animal-like in their inability to control sexual urges.

4. Oh, and get this—the military was going to spend $7.5 million to develop the gay bomb. Awwwwwwesome.

So while I’m glad that this plan was never enacted, I’m appalled at the childish strategy that was cultivated by the military leaders with whom we trust our soldiers’ lives and our country’s security.