Super Flirts: do you have one in your life?

“You have really pretty eyes. I’ve told you that before. You do.”

By Jess

He leans over the bar and smiles at me, and being the friendly girl that I am, I smile back. Then I turn away and start talking to someone else in our group, while he signals the bartender for another drink. I make a mental note to find a way to move soon, because drinking always makes him super “friendly”.

Do you have one of these guys in your life? The one who always seems to have a girlfriend, but flirts with you on a constant basis? Maybe you two have hooked up in the past, maybe you’ve never actually done anything with him, but either way, he’s a friend who continually fuzzes up the dynamitic you two share. Someone who seems to enjoy looking into your eyes and telling you all the things a boyfriend should, walking the line between being friendly and holding on a little too long until Sensible You pulls away.

These guys aren’t always Players or smooth talkers, and sometimes even make real great friends in the daylight, but their genetic make-up seems to make it impossible for them to play it completely platonic. If you’ve hooked up with them before, things become even stranger, because even though you’ve moved on, he acts like he never got the memo—or if he did, only read half of it.

Allowing these Super Flirts to get to you is where a lot of girls fall into trouble. Even though our rational mind tells us that if he does this to us, he must do it to everyone, we allow ourselves to pretend there’s something about our connection that’s different. If the guy has a girlfriend, we do our best to forget what it feels like to see your man smiling up at another chick, and convince ourselves that he’s realizing we’re the better catch and will leave his recent conquest for us.

Most of the time, none of this is true. Super Flirts are just that; dudes who love to work their magic on anyone who will fall for it. And as appealing as they seem in the moment, can you imagine trying to be in a stable relationship with one? Unless you’re a Super Flirt yourself, or have no self-esteem, there’s probably no way you’ll get what you want from this guy. Super Flirts are notoriously hard to pin down, and frankly, I’ve always believed a relationship is a two-sided thing. Running after your guy all night, jealous of all the attention he’s paying to other girls is no way to live. At least not for me.

What do you do if you happen to have one of these SF’s in your life? You stay their friend, watch for the warning signs, and set up a barrier yourself. For instance, I know being alone with my SF is a surefire opportunity for him to make a more-than-friendly move, and alcohol always makes him say mushy things. So if we happen to go out with a bunch of friends, I stay on the opposite side of the bar, and always accept his comments but never really reciprocate. He’s a great guy, but he’s not my guy, and that’s how it’s got to stay.

Besides, I’m Irish-Italian. You have no idea what kind of a jealous streak that combination creates. It would be bad for everyone.

Even without those Mafia connections.