Are You Ready for Non-Animal Meat?

I’m not a vegetarian. I’ve never even tried to be one. I’d starve to death in a week.

By Jess

I’m also not the biggest carnivore. Red meat is just not my thing, and most of the time I stay away from steak, pork, or ham. Chicken, turkey? Fine. Fish? Fine. Anything else? Nope.

Is it because I have a moral issue with how livestock is treated? Well, I’d be lying if I said I was up to date on all my PETA reading, and of course I think animals should be handled humanely, but the only thing I really won’t eat for ethical reasons is veal. Baby cow? Honestly. Let the thing at least grow up!

But let’s pretend, for a moment, that my dislike for red meat came from a deep-rooted concern for the livestock in the world. Let’s pretend a little part of me dies every time I watch someone take a bite of hamburger. What would I want more than anything? Animal-less meat.

It sounds strange, but in a few years, my hypothetical wishes may be answered. Scientists have recently started work on an experimental way to produce meat in a labratory.

You’re a little grossed out. That’s okay. So am I, but researchers at the University of Maryland in College Park are very, very serious about it. So serious, that they’ve just acquired a 5 million dollar grant from the Dutch to continue their research.

Supporters of this new technique claim it will not only save millions of animals’ lives and decrease the need for environmental-ruining livestock, but will also produce chemical and disease free meat that is leaner and healthier than anything we’re eating now.

One scientist linked to the program even predicts that in a few years time, homes all over America will have devices similar to bread makers which produce the stuff, allowing families to regulate their intake.

The process of making this new kind of no-death-protein begins with removing muscle cells from an animal with a small needle, and then allowing those cells to grow in a vat sized Petri dish “kept at the same temperature as the animal’s body and filled with glucose, amino acids and minerals”. The soupy substance is than poured onto sheets, continually stretched out to keep the cells moving, and finally peeled off, rolled up, and chopped up into hamburger.

…As appetizing as that sounds, I think I’ll just stick with the occasional turkey sandwich.