Is Your Dude too Rough in Bed? Tell Him!!!
“Whoa, what happened to you?”
It was senior year in college, a Monday morning, and my friend was sitting in class, doing her best (but obviously not succeeding) to hide a very noticeable, very odd black and blue mark on her bottom lip.
“Oh, I…I was drinking out of a bottle and someone bumped into me. It sucked.”
“Shut up!” I said, knowing exactly where she had been last night. “That did not come from a bottle”
“Keep your voice down.” My friend looked around, embarrassed. “To everyone else, it was a bottle. To you, it was Tim. Nothing bad, nothing bad!” She immediately reacted to my raised eyebrows. “We were just making out and stuff…his lips did this!”
“Still, it looks like it hurts…” I couldn’t take my eyes off her mouth. It was so obviously bruised.
“It does kinda. And when we were together it was a little intense…but I don’t know him well! I would feel so stupid telling him to ease up.”
If you’ve dated around, you’ve probably come across this situation; a partner who’s just a little too rough in the bedroom. Most likely it’s someone you don’t know very well, and most likely they aren’t doing anything bad, they’re just…a little too wild and crazy for you, and you don’t know how to tell them.
Here’s the thing, you need to tell them. One of the issues of hooking up with someone you’re not to familiar with is that no one knows what the other person’s sexual stylings are. If you’re uncomfortable, but not saying anything, how on earth is the guy supposed to tell? We all know men aren’t mind readers, and I’d say that their not-so-keen intuition becomes even less keen when there’s a naked chick in front of them.
If the guy’s decent, he’s going to listen when you tell him “not so hard” or “can we switch positions? This isn’t comfortable.” If he doesn’t, get him out of your bed and out of your life immediately. Hickies are one thing, but bite marks and bruises are another, especially if you’re not comfortable at the time.
A lot of girls feel embarrassed or awkward when it comes to actually communicating with someone they’re having sex with, but the older you become and the more control you have over youself, the less this excuse works. If you don’t dictate the inner workings of your sex life, who will? Certainly not that guy you hardly know. You’re not even sure if he’s worth a second date.
So have fun. Do whatever floats your boat. But never allow someone to make you feel uncomfortable. Sex is about both partners. And if he makes you feel stupid for pulling back, then he’s a Grade A Douchebag.
And nobody likes Douchebags.