Poor College Students get Experimented On…a lot.

If you’re like me, college has put a severe dent in your wallet. So much of a dent, it seems like the day you’ll finally pay back all those loans will be the day you check yourself in a retirement home.

When it comes to finding ways to make cash, my motto is “anything except prostitution and drugs” (I’d even strip, but sadly, I dance like a blind five-year-old and would most likely kill myself in five inch heels). I’ve worked a lot of odd jobs, and sometimes feel like I’d do almost anything for an extra hundred bucks.

That’s where science comes in.

Poor college kids all over the country have found a way make money fast, easily, and by doing almost no work: they become lab rats.

Log onto to your city’s Craigslist, look up at subway ads or even in the classifieds in your school’s paper–advertisements for “study participants” are everywhere. Research experiments usually need people, and who has time to take a few hours out of their day to watch simultaneous images of turtles and hard core pornography? College kids.

Sometimes, a study will need a specific type of person; supposed insomniacs, sufferers of acute PMS, individuals that are SEVERELY obese (I saw that ad on Craigslist the other day. They really did capitalize “severely”. I guess they wanted the fattest people they could find), or those with depression, but most of the time, universities and hospitals just need a warm body to do something odd for an hour or so while they observe.

Hey, if you’re going to give me 100 dollars in cash, I’ll sit in a tiny cubicle and watch images on a screen. I’ll taste test anything you want. I’ll even watch movie sex scenes and let you take my vitals at the same time! Who cares if it’s slightly embarrassing? Who cares if I need to stay up for 24 hours straight? I embarrass myself and pull all-nighters all the time! I’ll surely do it for money.

Just tell me where to sign.