Paris Hilton Offered $1 Million, I Die a Little Inside

I was really hoping we’d all forget about Paris Hilton.

By Jess

Really. After her trail / jail fiasco was recorded on every news station in America (even CNN covered it…although every time they did the anchors looked uncomfortable), I honestly thought the overexposure was going to be enough to make us finally not care about what Paris Hilton does, says, or cries about.

But just like the time I bought those designer jeans that didn’t quite fit and convinced myself I’d lose the weight—I was wrong.

Not only has Paris been interviewed via telephone by E! (Right. She’s not getting special treatment. Just conducting a major interview with a major television channel while she sits in jail…) she’s also in talks to appear on a primetime NBC show as soon as she’s released. And how much will the boring blond get for the trying ordeal of appearing on a nationally syndicated TV show? $1 million dollars.

“You know my gratitude has gone up so much and I just realize that the media used me to make fun of and be mean about it” Paris whined to Ryan Seacrest on his E! show on Thursday. “Frankly [I'm] sick of it and I want to use my fame in a good way.”

Mark my words: this will never happen. Two and a half weeks in jail is not going to permanently change Paris Hilton. She’s saying these things because they’re what you’re supposed to say when you get out of prison. If you’re famous, and you’ve been to prison, you’ve either A) found Jesus or B) found eternal humility and goodwill. It’s what we want to hear, and Hollywood knows how to deliver lines on cue.

So do I believe Paris Hilton will become the next Angelina Jolie? No. Will I watch her NBC special? No. Do I wish we would all collectively stop caring about her? Yes. But will that ever happen?

A girl can dream, can’t she?