Going to Great Lengths

A lot has changed in a year: world conflicts, the senate majority, Lindsay Lohan’s rehab status (oh wait), but most importantly – my hair. Those cherished dead follicles that most every girl protects (or rather, harms) are essential to my well-being for any day. If my hair looks like crap, I feel like crap. I totally 100% believe the story from the Bible about Sampson’s hair being his strength. Once that chick cut it off, what happened? He was captured by his enemy who then gouged out his eyes and forced him into manual slave labor (thank you, private Christian middle school!).

By CC Staff

Needless to say, I take my hair very seriously. Any haircut or dye job I get is agonized over and meditated on for days. Once the deed is done, it’s another week of roller coaster emotions for me. “I love it!” “UGH! I HATE IT!” “It’s still got a good length.” “OH MY GOD, NO ONE WEARS THEIR HAIR THIS SHORT!”

You get the picture.

My BFF from Leeds calls my constant state of conflict over my hair, “the big stress.” She would know. She has bleached, cut, and extended her hair more times than I can count. Actually, it was due to her prodding that I went mostly blonde last year, a huge step for a strawberry blonde like me who until then had only lightly highlighted my golden curls (and even that was tentatively as all my hair stylists swoon over my natural color and scowl when I ask them to change it).

Why do I care so much? Why is my mane a point of hubris and joy one day, and one of despair and dismay the next? Was it the many years I spent as a Little Orphan Annie look-alike? (Actually, it was my Kindergarten nickname.) Or was it the Felicity-esq fiasco that occurred in junior high when I chopped it all off? (Hey, you may not think it looks that bad, but that show’s ratings dropped like crazy after the cut). I can’t believe it was any one event specific to me though, as every girl I know cares about their hair as much as, if not more than, their wardrobe. Is our strength really in our hair? It seems to be the case as almost every celebrity has much admired or at least much discussed hair. Bad hair day? Bad reviews.

This brings me back to the present. After my yearly (that’s as often as I can bring myself to do it) hair appointment last Saturday, I now have a medium length even mixture of red and blonde that I am actually not hating. Or am I? The color is fabulous, my bangs are perfect; but it’s all a little… short. I look around my office and see that every girl but I has hair down to her boobs, while mine is now barely past my shoulders. Enter my newest dilemma:

To extend, or not to extend?

Now, I’m way too poor to opt for my British friend’s long, professionally attached locks of human hair, but I also don’t want to be stuck with the same short hair for another year. What’s an obsess-o girl to do?

I may have found my answer in Jessica Simpson’s synthetic HairDo line. I know, I know, FAKE hair!? But in a world where change is good, but permanent change is way too expensive and scary for me, this seems like a practical compromise.

Now, I am no stranger to synthetic hair in my up-dos. I’ve slowly progressed from a Claire’s small $10 fake hair piece (kind of like this), to my $40 curly hair clip, (a little less hair than this.) and believe it or not, they’ve always blended pretty perfectly with my hair. No one even blinks an eye at the thought that my clipped up tresses may be fake. The obvious difference with the fake hair I’d be buying is a) I’d have to buy it online and b) It’s kind of obvious when your hair grows 8 inches in a day.

But you know what? If a celebrity has made it possible for you to have the long beautiful hair you’ve always wanted with the snap of a clip and for only $75-100, by golly go and do it! Other people be damned. (This site also has pretty affordable short human hair extensions. Anything above $100 is out of my price range, but I haven’t seen anything above $800 on the site so far.)

My mother is always saying that the energy I spend on my hair could be put to so much better use, like serving my community or contributing to my cause célèbre, (which I’m already doing, btw) but if I had the long gorgeous hair I’ve always wanted, perhaps I, like the celebrities whose hair my fake locks will be modeled after, can also sell products that will fight poverty and AIDS.

Of course, world hunger will have to wait until after I show off my fake hair at all my favorite NYC clubs, and go in and out of jail. If I’m going to go celeb, I’m doing it all the way.