Ask a Guy – Installment #3

Questions abound… woohoo! With five questions today there’s no sense in beating around the bush, so let’s get right into it…

By CC Staff

Sara asks, “Does deep throating really feel that good for a guy or is it just the idea of it that gets him excited?”

Nothing like a good oral sex question to start this segment off the right way! The answer, Sara, is that it’s a little bit of both. For your typical guy, the mere thought of being deep throated is often enough to send him into a tizzy. There’s no real deep (no pun intended), inner meaning to it. Plain and simple, the idea of a girl swallowing a guy’s entire manhood is just a hot fantasy that we all share.

And when it actually happens, well, it’s everything we dreamed in that fantasy that it would be. It really is an indescribable feeling. It’s obviously not a big deal if you can’t do it, because the majority of girls can’t. But if you can, more power to ya!

Camille tells us, “I really like this guy, and I KNOW he likes me – we talked one-on-one for hours at a party last weekend. But I had to leave and I was too shy to get his number, so I didn’t say goodbye. I told my friend to get his number for me, which she did, but now he’s totally into her instead of me! Have I lost my chance with him? Is he confused, or is he a jerk?”

Unfortunately, he’s probably a jerk. While you’re probably right that he was into you, it doesn’t sound like he was too broken up about you leaving the party. Rather, it sounds like he’s one of those guys that was looking to have a good time at this party, and showed interest in whomever he deemed was his best shot at getting some ass for the night.

What I’d like to know is whether your friend told him that his phone number was for you. If she just asked for his number, it’s quite possible that he thought she was asking for herself, which would explain why he’s suddenly more into her; a lot of guys have this complex where they just like whomever likes them.

In any case, I don’t think he’s confused, but I don’t think you’ve necessarily lost your shot either. However, if you’re intent on landing this guy, you’re gonna have to get over your shyness and take a more aggressive stance with him. If you’re planning on waiting for him to come to you, I’m worried that you might be waiting for a very long time.

Laine wonders, “At what point does playing hard to get become annoying?”

This is a toughy. Most guys like girls who play hard to get. It makes for a fun challenge. But you need to be wary, because you always run the risk of playing too long and turning the guy right off. Unfortunately, there’s no timetable by which you can mark your progress. My only advice is that you have to be able to read a guy’s body language.

If a guy likes you, he’s going to let you string him along for a while. He’ll probably make some crude remarks, but for the most part, he’ll enjoy the attention that you do give him while simultaneously relishing in the challenge that is wooing you. But if I had to guess, I’d say you have right around a month before you need to make a move one way or the other. In college, when you might see this guy every day, it’s probably even a shorter span than that (if you’re in the real world, and maybe dating the guy once or twice a week, you might be able to stretch it out to two months). Because even if the guy really likes you, he’s bound to get fed up if he’s continuously making an effort without anything coming from it. We have our needs, after all!

So, I’d say you have a month, give or take. Let’s be honest here… if you like the guy, there’s really no reason for you to be holding out any longer than that.

Jen, one of our own, asks us, “Is there such a thing as a completely platonic relationship from the guy’s point of view? My best guy friend at school and I spend a LOT of time together. We’re talking like 3-4 days a week. He’s a transfer so he doesn’t have a lot of other friends, but he really wants a girlfriend and expresses this to me daily. I crushed on him for a while, but I realized that I would much rather have him as a friend. Still, I can’t help but be curious as almost everyone tells me that there’s no way guys and gals can be friends. Is it possible that he feels nothing for me at all?”

Would you rather he have feelings for you? If so, that’s quite the double standard that you’ve carved out here. But I’ll come back to this.

Normally, I’ve operated under the belief that guys and girls really can’t be platonic friends, because sexual tension will always eventually get in the way. The older you get, the more truth this carries. Now, there are obviously some exceptions, like the guy you met your first week of freshman year who immediately became your best friend (although it’s quite possible that he’s harboring a deep-seeded attraction for you), or when both girl and guy are in relationships of their own. In taking a quick count, I really only have two great girl friends that I’ve never hooked up with, and truthfully, I wouldn’t mind changing that with one of them at some point down the road. So yes, it’s tough. Usually, the only way it works is if there’s really no physical attraction there.

Now, let’s take a closer look at Jen’s situation. On the surface, I’d say this one’s heading for trouble. Firstly, when a guy constantly tells his best girl friend that all he wants is a girlfriend, that’s usually a tale-tell sign that he wants that girl to be his girlfriend. Moreover, the fact that Jen crushed on this guy means that there’s an obvious attraction on her end. When those factors are combined, is one of you really going to be able to stymie your jealousy if the other starts getting serious with a third party?

But mainly, I’m having a bit of trouble deciphering whether Jen wants him to be attracted to her or not. If she wants to keep this guy as a friend, then she shouldn’t want him to be attracted to her. It would be better for their friendship if he really doesn’t feel anything for her. But by all accounts, it seems as though there’s something more going on here, so I’d recommend that Jen tread lightly.

Finally, Darcy asks, “Is there a way to be nice to the guy who is pursuing me actively without giving him the wrong idea about his chance with dating me? (also, is the cute picture featured with this article of you?)

Let’s get the important part of that question out of the way first – no, that guy’s got nothin on me, although we do seem to share an affinity for the sideburns (but ugh, that hat!).

Now then… yes, there is a way to be nice to a guy that’s pursuing you without giving him the wrong idea. It’s called telling him he’s got no shot! In truth, that’s the nicest thing you can do for a guy whom you know is hung up on you. Sure, it’s fun to receive gushing attention from a nice guy, but isn’t that a little unfair to him? If this guy’s a friend, shouldn’t you want him to be happy? Shouldn’t you want him to go after a girl with whom he’s got a chance?

If you can’t summon the strength to shatter this guy’s dreams, you can still hang out with him without blowing him off completely or giving him the wrong impression. You can playfully laugh off his advances, giving him the coy, “oh, stop its” while you broadly grin. You can introduce him to your friends to see if any of them catch his eye. If you must, you can even maintain the status quo by simply being unresponsive to his advances. But you can’t keep him on a leash. You can’t want him to be interested in you while having no interest yourself. It’s selfish, it’s mean, and at some point, the guy’s going to get the hint; when he does, he’s going to resent the hell out of you.

So the right move is to tell the guy. If he likes you, he’ll understand. And if he goes ballistic, well, then you probably saved yourself from a major headache down the road.

So there you have it girls… great questions this week. As always, you can leave your questions in the comments section, and I’ll get to them in the flashiest of flashes. Here’s wishing everyone a happy and safe 4th of July!