College Candy

At least, that’s what a new study reveals which was conducted between 2002 and 2006 on college campuses across the country.

According to the study, men who are “well-muscled” are way more likely to have more sexual partners and more flings than their compatriots who are less brawny (but perhaps more brainy?) The article also points out that these muscle men are twice as likely to have affairs with women who are married or in serious relationships.

All of to which I respond, “no shit!”

Of course women are more likely to be physically attracted to well-built, machine-like guys! The act of sex, while encompassing any number of emotions, is an inherently physical act. If a girl is choosing a guy for a hot night of passion, what girl wouldn’t choose the beautiful sculpture of a man with abs of steel, rippling pecs and bulging biceps over the beer-bellied guy who looked like he could have posed for Picasso, with jiggling love handles and hair growing out of places never before thought possible? Your average girl is gonna take the Adonis every day the week and twice on Thursdays. And you know what? Despite not falling into the muscle-man category, I don’t blame you girls in the slightest.

So why am I not driving myself crazy to bulk up and get huge so I can land the girl? Well, there’s a catch.

Luckily for all us non-muscled guys, the study claims that girls really only prefer well-built guys for their trysts. When it comes to relationships, girls actually tend to fall in love with the less burly guys, because they are deemed to be “more faithful and romantic” while the meatheads strike girls as “more domineering and volatile.” Nice.

Again, none of this is news to me. You see, despite my recent proclivity to seemingly have one one night stand after another, my natural inclination is to be in a relationship. I enjoy being in a relationship. I operate well as a boyfriend. And so to be told that my workout routine (or lack thereof) reflects that part of my personality comes as no surprise to me.

Nor does it surprise me that over the long term, girls would be more attracted to the less-brawny types. Why? Because an amazing sex-life simply doesn’t last forever. In the long run of any relationship, physical attraction ultimately MUST give way to emotional and intellectual attraction in order for the relationship to survive. And on this note, please allow me to reveal one of my longest-held stereotypes. Generally speaking (and I mean generally… this obviously doesn’t hold true for every single guy), I believe that guys who are crazy about lifting weights do so because they are compensating for something. No, not for the size of their genitalia (although I’m sure that’s true for some). More often, they are compensating for the fact that their personalities rival those of brick walls. Some guys can spark a fire inside of girls with their striking wit and their sparkling sense of humor. But your basic jock isn’t going to have much to say if the conversation isn’t focused on him and how much he can bench press. He needs an “in,” and his “in” is his body.

Anyhow, I’m sure none of this really comes as breaking news to you girls either, as its you guys who are actually deciding to sleep with the jacked-up badasses while falling in love with the skinny softies. But now you have something to think about the next time you’re on the beach ogling that gorgeous guy with the perfect torso who, quite frankly, damn well knows that every girl within a two mile radius wants to get him in the sack. He might be a great lay, but he’ll never be the long-term answer to all your dreams.