(No Longer) An Independent Woman

I always considered myself a pretty independent woman. I love hanging out alone reading books or doing my nails, have no problem eating alone in a restaurant and tend to do my own thing whenever given the opportunity. And when it comes to my relationships with people…well, I tend not to cling.

So you can imagine my level of frustration (I’d say I am at “High” right now) at my inability to deal ever since the end of my two month relationship.

First of all, it was only two months. And it wasn’t even a good two months. Yes, I had a great time hanging out with the boy, but he just couldn’t make me laugh. And even worse, I couldn’t get him to laugh. He also loved talking about himself and couldn’t seem to understand why I would ever want to share things about myself with him. And in the last 3 weeks of our relationship (where I refused to call him my boyfriend…probably because he would want to immediately change his Facebook status) I really never had much fun when I was with him. If you don’t count time in the bed (or on the kitchen table…) I was probably annoyed about 100% of the time.

So, why the hell do I find myself wanting to call him when I pass by his house? Or wanting to hang out with him when I get home from work? Even worse, why do I find myself wanting to tell him stories; especially because I know he never cared to listen to them before?!

I feel crazy. I keep trying to remind myself of all the annoying things he did (like how he wouldn’t brush his teeth before we went to breakfast in the morning or when he would call me 7 times in a row while I was still sleeping) and the reasons we broke up in the first place. And it is working a little…until I look around my apartment and realize there are still things that need to be fixed or come home from work and have no one to hang out with.

Oh God. I am not an independent woman. I am a needy girl!

I hate myself.