Strap On Your Condoms: Syphilis is Back

By CC Staff

Summertime’s for lovin’, which ostensibly means that summertime’s for STDs. And this summer, a whopper of an STD is back with a vengeance: syphilis.

The only thing they ever told us about syphilis in health class is that Al Capone died from it. So, I figured if I stayed away from the mafia I’d be okay. But as the New York Post reports, there have been 260 cases in New York City alone this year.

Syphilis is no longer a thing of the past, a disease that claimed the young lives of powerful visionaries like King Edward VI and Ivan the Terrible. Nope, Syphilis has finally caught up with the times. It’s a vintage STD, back for more. But not vintage in a good way. Vintage like… leg warmers.

Just a brief lowdown on why you DON’T want the clap: nasty, nasty lesions (seriously, don’t google syphilis lesions unless your stomach is made of steel), fever, rash, hepatitis, heart failure, insanity! — just to name a few symptoms. So, um, not to sound like mom and all, but be careful! Because I really don’t want to look at your lesions. Because… you’re worth it.