College Candy

Now, if you had millions of dollars, tons of fame, and routinely saw yourself on the cover of gossip magazines, you’d think about what you wore to the grocery store, right? I mean, maybe you wouldn’t get dressed to the nines every single day, but you’d at least try to find some cute, comfy things to wear in case the paparazzi happened to be stationed outside your car. Because you’re famous. Famous people get their picture taken.

You’d want to look good, right?

Not if you’re Britney Spears.

These new photographs confirm my suspicions that Ms. Spears has no mirrors in her house. And if she does have them, they’re magic mirrors, which tell her she looks completely normal and tasteful in half a shirt and daisy dukes.

Does B.S (ha, that’s funny) dress like a hooker because she’s kind of unhinged? Is it because she thinks it’s the only way to land a man? Are those short shorts and midriff baring tops an unconscious illustration of low self-esteem, or are they a shield for a woman who doesn’t know any other way to deal with the world? Could she have a missing fashion gene? Is she going blind?

I’m no psychiatrist, but I’m smart enough to know any chick who walks out the door looking like this has something on her mind.

What do you think, lovelies? Why does this mother of two constantly look like she raids the sales rack of Wet Seal?