What Happened to Miss Independent?

The other day I had brunch all by myself for the first time ever. One-hundred percent on my own. Without a book or a magazine, no laptop, no iPod, and certainly no friends in sight.

It wasn’t planned, exactly. I’d left the apartment with plans to meet a guy pal at our favorite cafe, until he frantically called me explaining that his dog had swallowed a tube of BenGay.

Of course I understood the dire need to rush his pooch to the nearest vet, but my growling stomach didn’t seem to share that same feeling of empathy. Knowing I’d have to order my usual strawberry pancakes on my own, I wondered if my fake could pull through and reward me with a mimosa or two. After all, look how independent I was being!

Sitting there at my table-for-one, having to stifle my urge to make conversation, (“So I got completely hammered last night and gave the bouncer my phone number…”) and repetitively forgetting there’s no one sitting across from me this cloudy Sunday, I realized how important it is to learn independence at a young age.

Sure, moving out and living life away from home for four (or five!) brilliant college years provide everyone with a fair lesson in self-sufficiency, but how independent are you really? Could you go out by yourself if you had to? I know I personally get antsy even having to meet someone at a party. Walking through a crowded dance floor trying to locate a friend or the keg (whichever one first) launches me into mini-panic attacks.

Independence translates into more important matters as well, like having a serious relationship. Those little buggers (serious relationships, I mean) tend to start popping up left and right once people hit college. Especially after the blurry haze of freshman and sophomore year…you know, like conveniently once every decent guy has probably acquired his own beaming collection of STD’s.

Every girl has at least one of those friends that seem to always have a boyfriend. When she dumps old baseball umpire Jim, she manages to nab new finance major Joe within the month. I have one of my own (and she’s probably reading this right now, hey you!)

Anyway, I know she won’t be offended, seeing as my girls and I have already staged at least 3 interventions to stress her “dire need to be single right now.” She knows this, but it’s hard, because when the seemingly right boy seems to come along, even if it’s bad timing, (i.e. right after the break up of a long-term relationship) a new (and very interested) boy is hard to ignore.

So, how do you know when you’re independent enough to handle a serious relationship? Well, maybe it’s when you’re able to put yourself first, but still give your boy (or girl) the proper attention and love that (s)he deserves. Maybe it’s when you know you need to get out of a relationship, and you’re not afraid of being “alone” when you do. It’s when you can manage an even balance of time with friends and moments with your boo. When do you know? You just do. Sorry for lack of a more deep and Ask Abby-esque answer.

It’s like when you know you’re in love. How? You just do.

So, what’s the first step to independence? No, it’s not being able to crush that six-pack of Stella in your fridge while watching Seinfeld DVD’s. That’s not independence, that’s alcoholism.

I’d say the first step is enjoying a nice quiet brunch all by yourself, no lap top allowed.