Ask a Guy – Installment #5

Gonna switch it up a little bit today… I have a couple of questions to answer, but afterwards, I’m going to pose a question to ya’ll, to see if I can’t get to the bottom of something that I’ve recently found particularly vexing.

By CC Staff

Today, we’re going to deal with the world of wonders that is the internet. Yahoo! (C’mon, that was a funny pun, right?)

Laura S. asks, “Is partaking in an online sex chat with someone other than my boyfriend considered cheating?”

Well, first things first… do people still partake in online sex chats? I remember back when I was like 12, and the chat rooms on AOL were still a novelty, we’d all get a kick out of pretending we were a young girl and chatting up 50 year old pedophiles (We were easily entertained. Back off).

But even with the rise of internet dating, I guess I’ve missed out on the attraction of a sex chat. I mean, if it’s a video chat, that’d be one thing. But plain old chatting? Meh.

Anyway, back to the question at hand… as a guy that’s cheated on more than a few occasions, I’d hate to think that having internet sex with someone that you’ll probably never meet is tantamount to screwing your boyfriend’s best friend’s brains out. I’m not sure why you’d do it, or what pleasure you’re getting out of an online conversation that your boyfriend can’t provide in person, but as long as it’s relatively innocent, I don’t think it could be considered cheating.

If, on the other hand, you are having an online video sex chat, and whomever on the other end can see you masturbating, for instance, I think that could very well be considered cheating. At the very least, it’s sorta creepy, especially if you have a boyfriend.

But I’m not one to judge… whatever floats your boat!

Oh, and to the commenter who felt that it’s not cheating if you don’t get caught? Well, take it from me. Regardless of whether or not you get caught, it IS cheating, and that attitude really displays a lack of conscience (I should know, I used to feel like that). Moreover, you WILL get caught eventually. Maybe not today, maybe not even by whomever you’re currently cheating on.

Those damn skeletons always seem to find a way to break out of the closet, so be wary.

Anyway… speaking of the internet, Patricia wonders, “Why do some men watch so much porn, and can it become addicting?”

Now here’s a question I know a little bit about! Moreover, I think there’s sort of an unspoken “part 2″ of this question, that being, “why do some guys masturbate so much, especially when they have a girlfriend?” Even if that wasn’t part of the question, it’s fun to answer, so indulge me.

Why do we watch porn? Why do we masturbate? In actuality, the better question is, why not?

I mean, we carry around these things between our legs, and whether girls choose to believe it or not, penises really do have minds of their own. When my guy gets a little antsy and decides that it’s time to go to work, who am I to refuse? A man’s relationship with his penis is really one of the three or four most important relationships he’ll have in his lifetime. I’m not trying to piss my guy off here, lest he get angry and decide that he’s gonna quit prematurely on me later in life!

So if I’m sitting at home alone with nothing to do, I see no reason why I shouldn’t take a few minutes, pull up some porn on the old computer, and rub one out. It doesn’t hurt anyone else, and it certainly doesn’t hurt me!

As far as guys continuing to masturbate once they’re in relationships, well, let me put it this way. Just because a guy’s suddenly having regular sex doesn’t mean he’s over masturbation. For comparison’s sake, let’s use myself as an example. I get myself off every day, without fail. More often than not, I’ll go twice. Even in the hottest of relationships, very few actually maintain that kind of sexual schedule. So we take a few minutes out our days for some quality alone time. Big deal!

Oh, and for those of you girls who are convinced that when guys masturbate more they’re less apt to have sex with you, let me go ahead and debunk that myth right now. If anything, masturbating typically increases a guy’s sexual prowess. You should be encouraging it.

Now, can watching porn/chronically masturbating become addicting? C’mon. Is that a serious question? Is there a Masturbator’s Anonymous that I’m not aware of? I can just see it now… “Hi, I’m Andrew, and I have a problem.” Are you noticing a spate a men walking around with deformed hands in the shape of claws a la David Duchovny in Zoolander? I’m sure there are guys who would consider themselves addicted to cumming, but if you took away masturbation, our bodies would find other ways to get the job done. It’s called a wet dream. Look it up if you have to.

Moreover, outside of that one Grey’s Anatomy episode, I can’t imagine how a guy would become addicted to porn. It’s not like porn is a drug. I watch my fair share, and I can conclusively say that it’s never gotten me high. I’ve never tripped balls simply by watching an elaborate threesome scene. I mean, I can understand guys that reeeeally like to watch it. I can even understand guys who enjoy sharing the experience with their partners. But getting to the point where you literally can’t live without your porn? Well, I’ve never actually encountered anyone like that, and all I can say is, if you have, you should probably consider other options!

Now then, I have a question for you guys. Recently I’ve had a couple good girl friends go out with guys a couple of times, only to have those guys more or less fall of the face of the earth for no reason whatsoever. Now, if a girl that I seem to be getting along suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, sure I’d be upset, but I take the hint, and I move on to the next one. Yet, instead of pissing these girls off, it actually has made them become so utterly fascinated by these guys that they can’t think about anything else. They freak out about what happened, spend days pouring over every possible explanation for the guy’s disappearance, and end up taking it to the point where they start chasing down the guys, thereby completely giving the guys the upper hand.

So my questions are, are girls really this twisted and backwards? Is totally ignoring you guys really the way to your hearts? Are you really more attracted to a guy that blows you off like last week’s trash than you are to a guy who likes you and who’s attentive and all that jazz? Please tell me that at least a few of you out there don’t get off on being treated like shit. Because this is sorta nuts!

Anyway, as always, you can leave your questions in the comments section. Have a great weekend, everyone!