Drunk Astronauts Give New Meaning to AirSick Bags

In the wonderful world (bubble) of a college student, it seems very little can be accomplished without an adequate “pregame” beforehand. It’s common to hear exchanges like,

“Wanna go bowling tonight?”

“Dude yea! Let’s pregame!”

“We should go see that new horror flick guys.”

“Hell yea, but it’ll be ten times scarier if we smoke the herb first!”

“Putt Putt?”

“Tequila!”

So if anyone can understand why there has been an outbreak of drunk astronauts, college kids take the cake:

“Ready for take off?”

“We got a couple minutes, man. Finish the flask”

Hollywood never called dibs on juicy scandals, so NASA decided to join the fun. Controversy has broken out when a recently published article in an aviation mag exposed NASA for allegedly sending astronauts up into space whilst wasted. Yes, you read right, sloshed, hammered, intoxicated. Houston, we have a problem.

The media had a field day over LiLo’s beaming collection of DUI’s (well-deserved, obvi), so what about these suspected cases of LWI? (Launching While Intoxicated!) Well, NASA attorney claims it’s just another case of so-called, “spacial profiling.” Damn him for beating me to the punch, since I don’t think I could have ever come up with a more clever term. Explaining that astronauts are “different” than normal Americans, (???) Apollo attorney claimed that they were simply being discriminated against, feebly attempting to illegitimize the issue.

I mean, I guess it’s a good thing there’s not much they can bump into up there, but since when is launching a spaceship a good last stop for your weekend bender? Should NASA be worried that pretty soon, like in 10-9-8-7…sober liftoffs will become just as extinct as sober Friday nights in my freshman dorm?

Understandable, that NASA’s become a bit more lenient ever since Lance Bass decided he wanted to ride a rocket (I’m sorry, it was too easy) but this is a little much.

Sober up fellas! That’s one small whisky shot for man, one giant sloppy stumble for mankind, and an even bigger pain in NASA’s ass.