Old, Boring Hair Band Members Continue Dating

With shows like The Bachelor and MTV’s Next long played out, it’s no wonder that many of us have lost our interest in reality TV shows based on finding love.

By now, it’s become more than blatantly obvious that many of the shows are scripted with characters who all fit the same few personality descriptions. The process of watching these bimbos battle it out for some hairy neandrathal has become tired and frankly, boring.

So, why have I seen every episode of VH1’s new Bachelor-esque reality TV show Rock of Love? I’ve been trying to answer this question myself. I could care less about the star of the show, Bret Michaels, the lead singer of the 80’s hair band Poison.

He’s not particularly attractive, his band is forgettable, and he seems kind of lame for a rock star. The show seems to depict him as boring- he has no defining characteristics. He’s nice enough to the girls he’s “dating”, but doesn’t show any signs that he may be able to handle an actual relationship.

Every time he appears on the show, he’s either participating in show-sponsered dates, or walking around with a beer in his hand and an uninspired look on his face.

I’ve seen no wild parties, questionable behavior, or daring antics that don’t seem to have been forced on good old Bret. He calls himself a rock star? Maybe Bret should have taken a few lessons from Ozzy Osbourne before he started the show. The man is middle aged, with a wife and kids and at least manages to act completely out of his mind.

Next, the girls picked to compete on Rock of Love are a strange mix. You have a few of the necessary blonde stripper bimbos who play their parts well by exposing themselves, squealing, and instigating catfights within the house.

On the other hand, there are a few characters that I am unable to wrap my mind around. First, there’s Magdalena, whose sole significance is the fact that she is from Poland. She had never heard of Poison or Bret Michaels before appearing on the show.

Next, there is Rodeo- an older (compared to the 20 year old average of the rest of the contestants) southern woman who is generally likeable. She seems to have a backbone and a brain. It seems more realistic for her to haul out and knock Bret unconcious for not picking her right away than for her to be placidly standing by, watching him serial date.

Lastly, there are a number of heavily tattooed/pierced girls. One of these girls is Samantha, a cute blonde girl with so many tattoos, she’s lost count. She connects with Bret, but seems extremely hurt when she comes to the realization that he is dating all of her friends that live in the house. She seems like a sweet girl, but she must have completely missed the point of the show. She also seems to lack the understanding of the nature of a rock star. They like women- lots of women. Even if she wins Rock of Love, it doesn’t mean that Bret Michaels will remain forever faithful.

Besides, it’s a VH1 Celebreality show. If New York and Flava Flav didn’t make it, you probably won’t either.

Through all of this discussion, I still cannot figure out exactly what about Rock of Love compels me to waste hours at a time in front of the television screen. Perhaps, like Flavor of Love, it’s invisible low culture appeal is just plain irresistable.

Whatever the case may be, I’ll be watching to see which girl gets to be Bret’s “Rock of Love” when the painfully dramatic finale inevitably rolls around.