Amanda Bynes: Dear God, Why?
Paris Hilton has recently directed her career in a new direction, exploring the field of neural surgery. …Kidding! Because it’s actually worse.
Nickelodeon sweetheart (has-been? has-she-ever-been?) Amanda ‘A is for awkward’ Bynes will be introducing her new clothing line, Dear, in Steve & Barry’s stores on August 16th. Police are still in the process of investigating which hallucinogens Steve and/or Barry were on when the line was approved.
If you were one of the innocent channel surfers who fell to witness Bynes’ tragic sitcom flop on her show with Jennie Garth and that guy from Saturday morning TV circa 1998, I’m sure you are shaking your head in utter confusion to this painful news.
If you, in even more dreadful circumstances, were unjustly subjected to that She’s the Man soccer flick where not even Channing Tatum’s fantastically sculpted abs could pardon a pre-pubescent male-disguised Bynes who seemed misled to believe that apparently speaking under the guise of a muddled Southern accent would make her seem more manly, then you will undoubtedly be unable to fathom my next five words: her clothing line is worse.
Having taken a peek at what’s in store, I can’t help but wonder what rock I was living under when plastic beaded jewelry and clothing adorned in hot pink hearts and stars became the new runway chic. I’d bet a Benjamin that Bynes wouldn’t even wear that mess.
The whole appeal of clothing lines at Steve & Barry’s is, celebrity style for under twenty, correct? But the unfortunate truth is that the only people willing to be caught dead in such a get up as the ones Dear’s put together, would be my senile great grandmother who tends to think her cat is an ottoman, or my four-year-old cousin, who can spend up to six hours talking to herself inside of a cardboard box.
I understood the Bitten attempt, Sex & the City for cheapies, it made sense. But this? Bynes? Why.