Smashing Pumpkins: “Tarantula”

From their forthcoming album Zeitgeist. Listen to it here.

I don’t consider myself an especially cool person. I like video games and computers. I read a lot. It only takes me two beers to start making bad decisions. But earlier this week I had an unexpected – but very welcome – boost to my self-esteem.

I found myself standing in an absurdly long line outside a movie theater on 34^th Street. And while the crowd was varied, they all had one thing in common. Comedy geeks. And what was the thing to do in NYC earlier this week for these lovers of all things funny?

An advanced screening of Superbad, of course!

But, c’mon, who am I kidding? I was probably more excited than most of the people in the theater, (and it was only partly due to my intense crush on Michael Cera) I’ve just convinced myself over the past 23 years that I’m not obvious about my semi-closeted affection for comedy.

The lights went down, the movie started, and I, along with the rest of the audience, was treated to one of the best teen comedies based on partying, drinking, and being 18 that I’ve seen since 1999 (remember when we all thought American Pie was hilariously original?). Read More »

It’s summertime… which means it’s hot and humid and my hair is poofing like Sarah Jessica Parkers in Girls Just Want To Have Fun- only I’m not trying to make it look that way.

But at the same time, it’s summertime! (Notice the difference with the exclamation point. Adds a nice exciting touch don’t you think?) And a little humidity and ugly hair is not going to keep me cooped up inside. I’m spending as much time outside as possible thank-you-very-much because before I know it I’ll be knee deep in snow, picking icicles off my eye-lashes (yes that has happened before) longing to be drenched in sweat.

So in order to maximize my time outdoors this summer, I have found the key is staying hydrated. And now, the same great people who brought us those yummy Luna Bars (try Carmel Nut Brownie as a mid-afternoon snack) are making it easier for us to get in our 8-10 glasses of water a day with Luna Elixir’s. Four great guilt free flavors that not only keep you hydrated but pack a whole lot of goodness for our female figures. Read More »

Girls can be classified as bitches. Gay men can too. But can straight guys fall into the ‘bitchy’ category?

Yup.

The Bitchy Straight Guy is one of the most annoying categories of the male species. He comes in many different shapes and sizes; sometimes he’s a thin hipster with stupid hair (like Marcel Vigneron, a contestant on last season’s Top Chef), sometimes he’s a balding, pseudo creative type (like Dustin Diamond, aka Screech, from this season’s Celebrity Fit Club), and other times he’s a popped-collar, J-Crew sandal wearing frat dude (Chad Michael Murray comes to mind…at least in looks and based on that little marriage snafu with his costar).

The one link between these motley individuals? They’re bitches. Guys with all of the bark but none of the bite. Asswipes who get under everyone’s skin and then run if anyone tries to retaliate. Read More »

Spanx bodyshapers, padded and minimizing bras, even LoveMyBuns padded undwear—nowadays, a girl can tuck, lift, and boost almost any body part. These products are great for those days when we need a little help sliding into those favorite jeans or fitting into a date-night little black dress.

But what happens when one needs to slip out of the little black dress? Suddenly, that fake foam ass sewed into your boyshorts isn’t looking so bootylicious.

I found myself in this conundrum the other night, following a few bottles of wine shared over a blind date. We were stumbling back to his apartment when I was suddenly stricken with panic. I clumsily felt for the waistband of my skirt, confirming what I knew was true already—I was wearing a very unsexy pair of control-top pantyhose that ended somewhere in the vicinity of my armpits.

Without a purse with me, I couldn’t simply take them off in his bathroom, unless I planned to parade them through the living room. No, if I wanted any action that night, I would have to risk frightening the poor guy. Read More »

You’re on the subway reading the latest New York Times bestseller, when you look up to see a gorgeous stranger giving you the come-hither look. You lock eyes, flirting with raised eyebrows and half-smiles until one of you gets off (the subway—get your mind out of the gutter!) By the time you get home, you’ve planned the wedding and have named your future child Orange.

The only problem? You don’t even know this person’s name, let alone their phone number. Luckily for you, there’s Craigslist. The same place where you buy your used furniture and sex is also the place to go to for your “missed connections.” Just post your ad with details about where and when you saw your future soul mate/one night stand, cross your fingers, and hope they’re on Craigslist looking for you too.

I’ll admit—I may have perused the Missed Connections section in NYC in the past. And I’m always left feeling some mixture of hopefully, disturbed, and amused. A rundown of my favorite recent missed connections:

The Good:

F train- you told me I was beautiful as you exited the train – w4m

Around 11:30 this morning (Saturday, June 30th) -

you: orange polo, great smile, got on the train somewhere in downtown brooklyn

me: brown hair, polka dotted pink dress

Exchanged smiles and eye contact. I wish I wasn’t such a pussy and had talked to you at the time. What you said to me as you were getting off the train was very sweet and has kept me smiling for the rest of the day. Read More »

You’re not the only one sick of Paris Hilton.

An MSNBC News anchor recently refused to lead with a Paris Hilton story, going so far as to try to light the story on fire, and when that didn’t work, walking over and putting it through a paper shredder.

News presenter Mika Brzezinski refused to report on the blond heiress’s release last week, declaring “I’m done with the Paris Hilton story. I won’t do it” and explaining that the second story, criticism of George Bush’s Iraq policy from a senior Republican, was much more news worthy.

Brzezinski was chastised by her two co-anchors, but their laughter and teasing did nothing to stop her. She refused to talk about Paris. “”I just don’t believe in covering that story” she resolutely stated to the camera, “especially not as the lead story in a newscast when you have a day like today.”

Bloggers have claimed the incident was a stunt pulled by MSNBC to gain viewers, but I like to believe it was a small step for humanity. Finally, someone had the courage and intelligence to deem Paris Hilton unworthy of the national news.

Mika, wherever you are tonight, I salute you.

There’s just something about Regis Philbin, his demeanor, the look in his eye, the way he hunches over his high risen stool and leans into camera, peering relentlessly into the eyes of millions of American housewives and grandmothers. In truth, I can’t help but dislike him as Kelly Rippa chirps solemnly around set, over gesticulating her way into the stuff of a morning show legend. In the chair where Kathy Lee Gifford would ultimately rise and fall, how quickly we forget success when failure interferes with commercial advertising.

This is what daytime television is made of, predetermined banter spiked with personal ambiguity hidden behind the confides of little blue index cards. These types of hosts thrive mostly on conformity and the pleasing of the masses. Mostly they steer away from subversion preferring never to rock the boat. They are the “Murdoch worshipers”, living to please the peacock, look into the CBS eye and learn their ABC’s while minding their P‘s and Q‘s. These are “the Grains” of America‘s food pyramid. You should eat six ounces a day with at least half of them whole. Grains are the basis of a healthy diet. This may come as a surprise to you after years of being told to stay away from foods such as breads, rice, and cereal.

Though every host is in a sense looking to keep his or her position and maintain a relationship with a network it seems that there are a few using their timeslots as a platform to voice opinions, provide insight and increase social change. Oprah Winfrey for example changed the face of television by using her power to form a movement. Making a sincere effort to challenge the way Americans think and feel about the state of the world. Her book club increased literacy in America, her charities have save millions of lives, and her Angel Network has provided educational opportunities that were otherwise impossible for young students simply by collecting a country’s spare change. Read More »