• This little gadget sounds kind of gross, but if it does what it says it does then, sign me up! I’ll start saving my $375 now! (New York Magazine)

• You may be Smarter Than a 5th Grader, but are you drunker than a 4th grader? (WGAL)

• Wow, if I ever spend so much time on the internet that my spouse feels obliged to do this…well, then I guess I deserve it. (orange.co.uk)

• Leave it to young college co-eds to ban together and locate the missing camera of a hot chick. Shocking, really. Thanks Facebook! (UK Dailymail)

• Drug dealer sells broccoli to undercover cops…because he didn’t have any actual weed. He couldn’t “just say no”? (themorningcall.com)

The Rocker chic look is in for fall and what better to accessorize your silver mini, small studded bracelet and black booties but some kick ass rock star make up?

There are very few components to achieving the rocker chic makeup look, but a lot of effort into getting it right. Below, with the help of Carefair.com, some rockin’ beauty tips for the rock star look.

The Eye Shadow

Go for dark, dramatic eyes. Carefair suggests “deep shades of blue, gray, green or any color that draws attention” but I’m going to say stick with a muted metallic gray. It’s understated without being crazy. And the last thing you want are crazy eyes. We’ve all seen the girls with the crazy eye shadow. Don’t be that girl.

Make sure it’s a deep smudgy effect.

Since we’re poor and buying special cream eye shadow for a night out is not an option, put a little Vaseline on your lids and then apply your regular shadow with your fingers. Make sure you highlight your brow bone with a nude or white shadow and define your eyebrows.

If you want to go with an understated rock look, skip the dark eye shadow all together and concentrate on creating the look with just the eyeliner and red lips.

The Eyeliner

You want to do the cat eye for the rocker chic look. If you opted out of the deep gray shadow, stick it to the man with a dramatic cat eye. Otherwise a little upturn at the edges will do. For easiest application, use a gel liner, or if you have a steady hand go for the gold with the liquid. But I’m clumsy and usually already a bit tipsy when I get to the makeup application part of the pre-gaming/getting ready bit of the night. Read More »

With the money I spent on textbooks in college, I could now own a plethora of designer purses. Not that I need any more bags, but I didn’t really need any more books either. The textbook dilemma is never one easily solved.

For the most part, you don’t know which books you’ll be using first before the first day of class and the requisite first day of class syllabus. I remember my freshman year I spent over $500 easily on books for my first semester.

That much money pains me now, much more than it did then. Back then I had the good ole M&D to rely on.

Now? Now I just have ramen. And rent due tomorrow.

So, you can’t buy your books before classes begin because there is the possibility you will never use them or just use them for one f*cking assignment. It’s so annoying.

Textbooks are essential to college and also one of the biggest college pains in my ass.

Here, I have outlined my no fail way to succeed at your first real college assignment: Buying Your Textbooks.

Textbook Tip #1

Don’t buy your books before the first day of class. There is just no need! I mean, really, you’re going to be drinking copious amounts of beer during your first few days anyways and having too much fun to even think about classes starting. Class, however, is an inevitable evil. Read More »

While perusing the internet (and looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching) during a slow day at work, I came across this fun little article: The Six People You Meet in Bars. The article was funny and slightly true from my limited experiences in the after-college bar scene.

And then I started thinking about the college bar scene. At first, all I could focus on was how amazing it was – the cheep beers, the adorable boys, the cheep beers – but I quickly snapped out of it.

I just miss it so much!

Anyhoo, I began to think about the 6 types of people you meet in college bars. And here you have it:

1. The Popped Collar Boys: You will find these dudes by the bar, making unfunny jokes at very high levels, flirting with the bartenders, macking on cute girls nearby, and racking up an obscene tab on their dad’s credit cards.

They are the most generous guys in the bar, which they need to be to achieve their #1 goal of finding a hot lady to take home.

They sport expensive clothes, travel in packs and either gel their hair or wear their hats cocked 23 degrees up and to the left.

Likes: Pink shirts, girls with big boobs, money, Grey Goose

Dislikes: People who call them out on their douchey-ness, being ignored by the bartender

Upside: Free booze!

Downside: Running your hands through that brittle hair Read More »

So, everyone’s had (at least) one of those, knew him well enough to say I know him, hooked up with him one night while blackout, now terrified to run into him-type of guys.

So, what the hell do you do when you’re back on campus after a long peaceful summer miles away from the guy? Where you could run into him without warning at any moment? Lord knows you wanna look good, in case HE looks good.

You’re human, so obviously you want him to want more, basically so you can turn him down the second time around and prove you’re not the easy hoochie he might think you are.

Or maybe he rubbed you the right way and you want him for another romp-around, because (secretly) you want more. Or maybe, god forbid, it was horrendously bad, but you thought he was a pretty cool guy and hope you don’t have to spend the next few years avoiding him, and can instead laugh together over that blurry night and move on as friends.

How do you prepare for the dreaded run-in? Read More »

The New York Times recently published a list of tips to incoming freshman at local NYC schools.

The list, which you can see here, provided nothing more than grounds for all Times readers to question the level of intelligence of the very people that work there. Anyone with half a brain (read: anyone who would be going to college in the first place) would not only know half of this sh*t already, but might even be made dumber for having read this.

Oh, writers at the Times, how out of touch you are with the reality of college.

Sure, some students get drunk and decide to take a dip in dangerously murky bodies of water, but it is about so much more than you have listed here.

For real tips and rules for incoming Freshmen, you have to talk to someone who knows college inside and out. Someone who devoted 4.5 years to studying (at) an undergraduate institution. Someone like….ME!

So, for the incoming Freshmen out there, I give you 10 tips and rules to live by:

1. Pack Costumes: I know it sounds weird, but college and costumes go together like pizza and beer. Looking back to my freshman year, I can’t remember how many times I found myself halfway under my bed screaming, “WHERE IS MY BOA AND CONE BRA?!” I can remember, though, the amount of times I found myself halfway under my bed screaming, “WHERE IS MY STATS BOOK?!” The answer is zero. I never even bought it.

2. Do Not Drink the Punch

3. Lock the Door When Drinking: The R.A. doesn’t need a warrant to search your room, so make sure the door is locked when drinking (or doing other…ahem…illegal things). She then has to knock and you will have plenty of time to hide the bottles/light some candles to rid your room of that….planty smell. Read More »

Show of hands, ladies—how many times have you been psyched when the guy you’re hooking up with starts heading downtown, only to be left confused and frustrated a few minutes later?

We’ve all been there. Things are going well, he’s got a good rhythm going, and then somewhere along the line, he’s doing that thing that you hate.

You shift your hips, clear your throat, wiggle around, but for some reason, can’t bring yourself to speak up and say, “uh, about 2 inches to your left, buddy.”

Five minutes later, you’ve given up and are mentally compiling your to-do list until it’s over.

The more my friends and I started complaining to each other about this, the more I realized just how big of a problem it is. One friend of mine has just resigned herself to that idea that as much as she loves her boyfriend, it’s just not going to happen. EVER.

Another is convinced that there’s something wrong with her. But guess what? According to sex advice column Ask Dan and Jennifer, just only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm. The key word here is “properly.”

Maybe it’s just too many years of Sex and the City influence, but my girl friends and I talk about going down all the time—suction, speed, tips and tricks. We’re eager to please.

Hell, even my gay guy friends joins in for a guy’s perspective. So, what about our boyfriends (or un-boyfriends)? Read More »

It’s Britney, y’all!

Like her new sound, the first words off of Britney Spears’s fresh single are a little hardcore. Following Timberlake and Furtado, Spears is leaving her candy pop behind and getting down and dirty with hard beats and a sexually tinged chorus.

Then again, when was our girl ever NOT tinged with sexuality?

The single, released late on Thursday night, isn’t the best thing I’ve ever heard, but it certainly doesn’t suck, and seems twice as amazing considering that as of late, Ms. Spears has appeared absolutely bat sh*t crazy. Read More »

With classes starting up again, many of us will be forced to take some kind of bullshit science course which will never be of any use to us. I remember at the start of my freshman year, we all had to take, if nothing else, “Baby Bio” – the liberal arts version of biology. We learned a lot of really long plant names; that’s about all I know.

Baby Bio was the last time science was a part of my life, with the exception of a few experimental liquor drinks I’ve concocted along the way.

For those of you who are like me, and haven’t had much science in your life, prepare to be freaked the f*ck out by this list of the most bizarre and crazy-ass experiments in history. These weird scientists went waaaaay beyond memorizing their plant names, and most of the time, they just jumped right into these odd experiments out of pure curiosity.

Check out the list. Learn some things. Freak out your friends. Warning: some of these are pretty disgusting.

Some of the most whacked experiments asked the questions:

What would happen if you give 297 milligrams of LSD (3000 times the level of a typical human dose) to an elephant? Wow, I ask myself that every day. Scientists still don’t know for sure, cause the experiment didn’t go as planned, but I’d say…ummmmm…it’d have one hell of a trip.

What if you put a female prostitute in a room with a gay man after he’s given “heterosexual hormones”? He’ll have sex with her, obvi! He is, after all, still a man. But, in the end, he was still gay. Dammit, science! Read More »

Perez.

He’s done a lot for us over the years. Taking down annoying starlets one vajayjay flash at a time, dragging certain stars out of the closet, giving us up-to-the-minute Lindsay Lohan rehab news, and forcing a bit of humor out of that self-important land called Hollywood.

After learning about his site a year ago, I find myself checking it almost daily, needing my fix of A, B, and C-list celebrities like a smoker needs that after dinner cig.

I can’t help it, Perez and his mysterious “sources” have me hooked.

Starting out from a nobody and becoming a giant somebody isn’t easy, and Perez (a.k.a Mario Armando Lavandeira) has certainly climbed his way from unknown to a celebrity in his own right. That being said, I can’t help but notice the irony of a guy who makes a living bashing the overexposed saturating the media himself.

He’s everywhere now. In magazines, in major newspapers, all over the talk-show circuit, even featured in a hideous-looking new show on MTV called Celebrity Rap Superstars. The man who used to be just like us—a regular person gawking at the famous people—is now more like the celebrities he draws penises on.

Far be it from me to begrudge anyone newfound fame, but you have to wonder what Perez would say about himself on his website. Read More »