A Pothead’s Guide to Avoiding Johnny Law

Cop Car

Cops, man. Always ruining our crazy, college fun – pulling us over on road trips, breaking up the parties, arresting our friends. Why, because we break the law and do illegal things? Pshhaa, whatever.Like NWA said, eff the police, right?!?

Right! There are in fact, many ways around the law, especially when it comes to doing the things we all know we do and we all know we enjoy doing – like smoking “doobies” (as I like to call them,) or eating pot brownies, or driving with naughty things in the car, or letting your friends pull you across the highway while you’re attached to a couch…..okay, that one’s just stupid and if you do this, you should definitely be arrested. Radar Online has an awesomely insightful look into the ins and outs of what to do and what not to do in order to escape and avoid the law altogether – written by Barry Cooper, an EX COP AND HEAD AGENT OF NARCOTICS for eight years in Texas!!!! What a kick ass guy!!!!

Cooper wrote the article because, he said, “The war on drugs is an utterly losing proposition. We caused more harm breaking up families to put non-violent drug offenders in jail than the drugs ever did. And for what? To eradicate 1/10th of a percent of drugs on the street.”

True dat, Barry. True dat.

Even cooler, his new DVD is all about how NOT to get busted by the pesky Po Po.

So what are the best ways to hide your stash? How should you properly handle getting pulled over? And how do you get around those party-pooping drug dogs who know more about narcotics and have access to more weed than we’ll ever have? Here are just some of Cooper’s helpful tips for all you bad, bad kids out there doing all sorts of bad, bad drugs and committing bad, bad evil sins. We know who you are……

- If you are going to travel with marijuana, place it in a non-contaminated container right before you leave. The drug odor won’t have time to permeate through the plastic. If you are handling pot at your house, wear latex gloves or wash your hands—marijuana dust can reside on your fingers, and dogs can smell it. You’d be surprised at how many people get busted when dogs start sniffing around car door handles.

- If you just have a joint on you and you get pulled over, put it in a straw, and throw the straw in a fast-food bag. Alternately, reach under the dashboard and place it in one of the numerous nooks and crannies you find. Don’t attempt to throw it out the window—it’s too obvious, and they’ll always find the joint.

- DO NOT put any of the following on your vehicle, they’re red flags: D.A.R.E. stickers, Jesus Fish, your Kappa Sig frat sticker, or Vietnam vet stickers.

- Travel with a cat. They make a good distraction for canines used in a search.

- If you get pulled over, DO NOT scratch your head, light a cigarette, or turn your palms up. All are telltale signs you are nervous and hiding something.

Wait, what am I saying? Drugs are BAD!! We shouldn’t be promoting this. You guys shouldn’t be doing this stuff in the first place. Shame on you. Tisk, tisk. I’m telling your parents. Go ahead if you must, you junior delinquents, take all the drugs you want and risk getting involved with the police. You know why?

Because there’s no hope…..with dope.

9 Comments on "A Pothead’s Guide to Avoiding Johnny Law"

  1. Charlene says:
    Tue, 14th Aug 20073:14 pm 

    Who would’ve thought that having a D.A.R.E Sticker on your car would be a red flag, i woulda though it the opposite

  2. Me says:
    Wed, 15th Aug 20076:25 am 

    Look, the law is the law. If enough people vote to remove a unsupported law, then things will change. Look at the prohibition law. If you are going to do illicit drugs, then you ARE supporting activities that get cops killed! You ARE going to send money to people who hate what America stands for! When you support drug activities think about the scumbags who will profit from your purchases… not the happy go lucky stoner down the street, but the hard-core smugglers from Russia, Mexico, Asia, and the Middle East. These people only care about their money and their product.

    While the law is in effect, support it however grudgingly, while working to get the laws changed. Think about this the next time you are going to buy or do drugs… you are saying by your actions that in exchange for being stoned for a short time, you are willing to possibly trade many years of your freedom for a little recreational drug use. You are saying that your time in jail with your new pal bubba is more precious to you than time with your friends and family. You are also saying, “Please take my car… free of charge,” because depending on which state the offense occurs the local PD can seize your vehicle used in a crime.

    Because drugs are illegal, they are expensive. Because they are cheap to produce, and they have a large profit margin, the make criminals rich quick. The money from your purchase will be used to bribe bad cops, buy guns, and support further illegal activities in your neighborhoods. Grow up for crissake, live responsibly, and vote your conscience responsibly.

    The author of this material is likely a bad cop. Anyone who would help to support smuggling activities, and teach criminals where to hide things from his brother cops is a scumbag. The author is no better than those freaks who believe in NAMBLA… they are aberrant people who put a pretty face and name on an illegal activity, and try to convince people that what they do is right. They also teach others how to circumvent the law, and justify it by whatever means is necessary. The author states that when he was raiding houses he was destroying families… bull shit! The homeowner druggies broke the freakin’ law… they knew the risks, and they decided that the risk was worth it… PERIOD. This punk ass ex-cop is selling out his oath, and selling out his fellow officers simply to make money. Here yah go Judas take your silver. If he felt bad about the law he would work to change it… not make and SELL a DVD to expose the things to help the criminals avoid police.

    I hope that this DVD violates some agreement between the retarded… I mean retired officer and his former employers that will cause him to forfeit his pension! Please God let this be so.

  3. michelle says:
    Wed, 15th Aug 20078:18 am 

    no shit those are all obvious

  4. henry myers says:
    Wed, 15th Aug 20078:28 am 

    This last persons comments shows you what is wrong with America..this guy has swallowed hook line and sinker the crap the government has put out about the war on drugs and what drugs do and where they come from…All wrong..Probably a control freak mentality..Probably in favor of urination on command like a dog. I’ll be so glad when all the war freaks and law and order scum bags and those special people who live to punish others because they don’t agree with them just die off and leave the rest of us alone. So to all you folks that think that way..you’re not going to change anything for the better in you life, and your weird thoughts count for nothing..Have a nice day

  5. Me says:
    Thu, 16th Aug 20072:09 am 

    Dear Mr. Meyer… who you gonna call when someone breaks into your house?? The cops… that’s who! What are the people who break into your house looking for? Money and expensive portable items that can be easily traded or sold for drugs. The fact that I follow the law should not be construed as blindly supporting the law. I support people who need medical marijuana for legitimate medical reasons having access to those drugs. I VOTE to try to change the law, but as long as the only people who are getting airtime for their pro-drug views are a-holes, spouting drivel about the man keeping them down, no one is going to give the real story a second glance. The fact that our government considers 1 oz of Methamphetamine, Cocaine, Acid, LSD or Marijuana equally punishable is wrong in my opinion. This does not mean that because a law is unpopular in your circles that you do not need to abide by that law. In addition, for the record, I do not use drugs… but I support a change in the law.

    And your comment “I’ll be so glad when all the war freaks and law and order scum bags and those special people who live to punish others because they don’t agree with them just die off and leave the rest of us alone…” is your opinion… please notice that I did not suggest that all the people with YOUR point of view should die. Who is the one who lives to be the punisher and hate monger now Mr. Meyer?

    I do not support the war, but I support the troops forced to fight this immoral war. I will not condemn or spit on our returning war heroes ever. My votes are given to anyone running for office who opposes this war by the way. So instead of ranting with impudent rage against the “Man,” get educated, get motivated, get organized, and get the laws changed. This is America, where we have that precious power to vote, and yet so relatively few Americans exercise their right to vote. There are people in countries that have their hands amputated for voting against the incumbent, and then telling people for whom they voted (or who they will vote for)! They cut off the hand, because the fingerprints of the right hand are used to verify voter eligibility… no fingers no vote.

    Do I pee on command? Well don’t we all??? Do you just soil yourself at work, or do you get permission to go to use the john? And my weird thoughts about freedom, liberty and the responsibility of those liberties… well they do count. The fact… no the privilege that we can have this discussion in an open forum was bought and paid for by… what did you call them… oh yes… “law and order scum bags,” who came before us and set up the structure of our great nation.

    Let us suppose Mr. Meyer that a neighbor of yours decides that stopping for stop signs is for chumps… or that brandishing and firing a weapon in your neighborhood is within what he calls his rights… what then? Do you love anarchy and hate law and order so much that you would turn the other cheek while he or she crashes into your car, or fills your house full-o-lead? I think not. Your neighbor refusing to stop for a sign because he or she does not like the law is not so different from using illegal drugs because you want to. Mr. Meyer I suggest a trip to somewhere other than nice cozy American tourist destinations, to see what a lack of law and order looks like. I have been there myself, and I have seen with my own eyes the effects of U.S. drug money abroad. So don’t wag your finger at me and tell me that I am have as you put it “swallowed hook line and sinker the crap the government has put out about the war on drugs and what drugs do and where they come from…All wrong…” My Dear Mr. Meyer have you ever been outside of the comfort zone of your life? There are things to see out there that will turn your hair white, and drug money pays for much of it. I do not blindly believe everything my government tells me… but I also do not blindly believe everything people tell me that lean towards my beliefs either!

    Change your world Mr. Meyer. We can vote against the War Mongers together. You know where I stand on this subject. Tell others where you stand, make a stand, get involved, and make a difference. I will borrow a quote… “A man who stands for nothing falls for everything.”

  6. Death says:
    Tue, 23rd Oct 200711:30 am 

    The way the person before me puts things is backwards. Drugs are expensive because they are illegal, not the other way around. The executive branch of our government likes to wave their power in people’s faces. Even cops say it themselves. Do you know how much help you get these days when you call the cops? None really. They come and file a report and that’s pretty much the last you’ll hear from them.

  7. Adrianne says:
    Mon, 4th Aug 20089:04 pm 

    Dude…This “Me” friek is a moron…”Let me type 3+ paragraphs of goverment bs so I can feel the the big patriotic intelligent hotshot” Dude…Eff you…Its obvious you are naive to a rediculous point…Such as…This country is slowly collasping in on itself due to such government and the corruption of said group…

    Other than that…The cat one is great. A friend keeps about 10 around his house.

  8. monkey says:
    Wed, 27th Aug 20081:02 am 

    ooOOoOOo HIIIi IIiiII HhHoOOoo OhOHO OHO HO OHO H OH OHO HO H OH OHOH O HOhohO HO hI IiIII iII II OIIh oih OIOIH OIH oihOHOI IHOHOI H H OIH OIH OIH OIH OIH OIH OIHOIH OIH OIH oihihhio oihoih hoi oihoihoih oiOIHOIHOIHOIHO.

    ooOhIIhiIi?

  9. montana says:
    Fri, 21st Nov 20082:51 am 

    to the guy who wrote all that shit that hurt my head – yeah that ‘me’ character. i dont like you. you didnt even need to state that you have never done drugs before because it was blatantly obvious when you put LSD and acid in the same sentence trying to classify the two as separate drugs. also, dont give me that we can vote and change the face of our government bullshit. the federal government that has almost doubled in size since the bush administration has more power than originally allotted by the constitution… never ever ever will we ever see a third party canidate in office. this system is so backwards, mindless, and greedy that we are slowly destroying the rest of the world with our ever slowly inevitable collapse of not only our economic system but the freedom we were originally given which is being taken away everyday by the federal government bit by bit. your also equally as backwards as this countries system if you believe that a bunch of citizens can simply change a law…wake the fuck up – the alcohol and pharmiceutical companies have our country by the nuts with all their money that theres no way in shit they would ever let enough politicians vote to change any laws that would take away their oh so precious profits. it makes me sick. no doubt that our founding fathers would be turning in their graves if they understood what this country has become and what it now stands for. im getting sick of proving my point, for me to make you or you to make me budge from either stance is impossible i just needed to take 5 minutes out of my night to tell you that even though you SAY you dont believe what you government tells you that your words speak otherwise and its more than obvious that you do. that is all for now. tootaloo~

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