The Scary Roommate Chronicles

It’s mid-August. You know what that means…almost back-to-school time. When the fall starts to roll around, it causes me to reminisce of my early college years. The one particular experience that is forever implanted in my mind is my freshman year roommate.

By Abby

Note: I swear that everything in this post is true. You really can’t make this stuff up.

Just four years ago, I was preparing to attend college in the big, scary state of New York after growing up in a small mid-western town.

Of course, no one that I even remotely knew or went to high school with was going to my school, and that was part of the excitement. I was going to be assigned a random roommate and had visions of us staying up all night sharing secrets, watching movies, and dishing about our latest biology class crush.

Well, little did I know, but I was moving in with the WEIRDEST person on campus. And, to make matters worse, this was before the days of Facebook, where I could have stalked her and been mentally prepared for what was to come. But, no, I had a friendly, casual phone conversation with what seemed like a sweet girl. Little did I know what was to come in the next year.

Example A: Chinese Fighting Swords. One day, I came home from class to find her unwrapping three large boxes containing something she had ordered off the internet. What were they you ask? Real, sharp, metal, will-kill-you-in-one-swipe, fighting swords. Three of them. She proceeded to then rub them against her skin and tell me how sexy the swords were. Yes, I feared for my life.

Example B: Sexy Lingerie and Phone Convos. One weekend, my boyfriend at the time was in town to visit from his Midwestern school. She informed me that she did not feel comfortable with it and would therefore never leave the room in order for us to have any time together alone. Come on, that’s common roommate courtesy. Anyways, I said I understood and tried to deal. But, we came home one evening from dinner to find the door locked and bombarded shut. When I finally got in, she was sitting in lacy black lingerie and giggling in front of the computer to herself. So, I couldn’t have any fun in the room with my boyfriend, but she could…with herself?

Example C: Hermit Status. Not only did she not like my friends, but I’m pretty sure she did not like people in general. She refused to keep the door open, ever, even when both of us were actually in our box of a room. And, when the two of us were in there, she would lock us in. The lights in the room gave her headaches, so we had to always keep it dark. And, the dust bothered her, so we had to keep the window open at all times. Oh, and did I mention the window was on my side of the room right next to my bed, so I would wake up with snow piles on me in the winter?

Okay, I could go on and on with stories ranging from her random hook-ups with the dining hall workers to her extravagant, made-up tales that I knew were false. But, I won’t subject you to any more horror.

Moral of the story: Be thankful for whatever semi-normal roommate you might be going back to live with this semester. And, if you are just starting out, don’t be fooled into thinking that most people are “normal.”

There are some really big weirdos out there, and yes, many of them do go to college.