College Candy

If you think Brazilian bikini waxes are a little too intimate, brace yourself—-below the belt grooming is about to get a lot more personal.

Thanks to the J.Lo-inspired era of backside obsession, I’ll admit I’ve certainly been paying more attention to how I fill out my jeans. But according to Marie Claire, there are women who really get up close and personal with their rear ends—and they don’t like what they see.

So, what’s a gal to do when she’s plagued with an imperfect backside? Anal bleaching of course!

The cheeks on your face aren’t the only ones that need color, apparently. Women are now looking to get that rosy glow on a part of the body that, up until now, remained untouched by cosmetic enhancement—-the anus.

Lucky for us, our anal imperfections can be fixed in a simple trip to the salon to pick up an at-home bleaching kit.

It doesn’t end at the anus. Next time you’re having your dermatologist erase any evidence that you may have smiled or frowned at some point in your life, ask the doc about bum Botoxing. An alternative to exercise and cellulite creams, there’s no faster way to get your butt swimsuit-ready than dropping your pants and injecting it with poison!

If anyone asks, just thank your regime of Pilates and Spinning for your peculiarly smoother backside.

Labia got you down? Just make an appointment with your local plastic surgeon for the “Toronto Trim,” a procedure that involves the reduction of the labia and slight unhooding of the clitoris.

Who exactly are we trying to impress with these extreme makeovers? I don’t know about you, but I don’t walk around holding a hand mirror to my ass. And I’m certainly able to point out the location of my clitoris. So, I’m left with the assumption that these procedures mainly benefit those who spend the most time looking at (or fruitlessly searching for, as the case may be) those body parts — men.

I won’t pretend that my standing appointment with the bikini waxer and impressive collection of Nair is something I do for myself, but how far will we go in our quests to be perfect, hairless, cellulite-free creatures before it’s time to say “enough is enough?”

And let’s be honest, when was the last time your boyfriend’s nether regions came in contact with hot wax, a needle full of Botox, or heaven forbid, a scalpel?