Learn from My Mistakes: The One Nighter

School is almost back in session. Time to pack your bags, kiss your parents goodbye and head back up to the land of beer, boys and late night dance parties with your friends. Oh yeah; and learning.

By Lauren

Before you hit the party scene in search of that take-home hottie – or after-a-few-beers hottie – let me impart a little advice. There is no reason anyone else should make the same mistakes I did.

1. Lock Your Door: After moving into our phat new pad my junior year, my 7 roommates and I decided to throw a Welcome Week fiesta. During the evening, I met a boy and invited him back to my room to check out my brand new bed. We ended up giving it a test drive; clothes were strewn around the room and things started getting heavy.

I was getting ready to go downtown when the lights switched on and my roommate was standing in my doorway with a few friends she was showing around our new house. If that wasn’t awkward enough, on the way out one of them yelled, “Lauren! Did you lose weight? You look really skinny!”

2. Get the Guy’s Name: After celebrating the end of exams I hit the bar (hard) and eyed a cute boy across the room. I took him home, had my fun and he ended up staying over until the morning. Being the nice girl that I am, I offered to drive him home. Being the drunken idiot that I am, I forgot his name. As he went to leave my car he asked for my number and offered to give me his.

I didn’t want to ask for his name so I told him I was too drunk to type in the number. “But you just drove me home.” Talk about an uncomfortable silence. He got out of the car and never called.

3. Make a Playlist: Anyone with roommates knows the importance of playing some music whilst entertaining a guest. No one needs to hear your lust sounds through the walls. Just be sure that you make a playlist of hookup-appropriate tunes. I did not have anyone to teach me this lesson, which led to a mighty awkward situation while getting it on when “fart sounds” (that my brother had so kindly added to my iTunes library) started blaring out of my speakers.

Needless to say, the boy did not immediately realize where those sounds were coming from. We were both completely horrified.

I hope this helps. Lord knows some of my one-night stands would have gone a lot smoother if I had someone to guide me.