Spending the Night

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angry couple in bed

Since re-entering the realm of singledom some time back, I’ve had no shortage of random sexual encounters, whether they be one night stands with girls I’ve met at bars, or first or second dates where the girl, I guess, is feeling pretty frisky.

But when the night has run its course, and all energies have been spent, the question still remains as to whether you should spend the night with your partner of the evening.

As a guy, I’m constantly torn between sleeping alone in my own bed and guaranteeing a good night’s sleep, or spending the night with the girl, possibly getting laid again the morning, meanwhile risking a sleepless night because I’m unfortunately one of those guys that absolutely cannot sleep with even the slightest bit of body contact.

Now, generally speaking, I’m gonna side with spending the night with the girl. I mean, c’mon. I can always catch up on my sleep later, and, as a rule, you don’t just turn down the possibility of good morning sex. But every now and then, certain circumstances will dictate that I do everything in my power to get rid of the girl as soon as humanly possible.

Allow to share a classic example:

A few years ago, I got fully picked up at a bar. It doesn’t happen often, but there are times when, totally bored, I’ll hit a bar by myself just to get out of the house and get a little drunk. And for whatever reason, when I go out alone, I’m like five times more likely to get picked up.

On this particular night, this extremely forward girl made it abundantly clear that she wanted to come home with me, and I was obviously happy to oblige. She wasn’t the prettiest girl I’d ever been with, but for an obvious one night stand, she was certainly pretty enough.

We arrived back at my place and immediately started going at it. As the hookup escalated, I did what I’m generally apt to do, took the initiative and went down on her for a while. Afterwards, she made it clear that she’d reciprocate, but then said those words that no guy ever wants to hear, “Just so you know, I’m not gonna sleep with you tonight.”

Now, I have a rant that goes along with this statement, but that’s for another post. Suffice it to say that in this case, I shrugged it off. Let’s be honest here… on a one night stand where I know I’ll never see the girl again, I’m typically just looking to get off. I have no problem leaving the method of choice up to the girl.

As she promised, the girl went down on me, for which I was very thankful, and by the time it was all said and done, the clock had crawled past 4:00AM. By this point, I was exhausted and ready to hit the sack, but it’s important to note that I was fully prepared to let this girl spend the night, because it’s the nice thing to do, and I usually pride myself on being a nice guy. But when I got back from the bathroom, she hit me with a surprise question. “So, be honest with me. It’s pretty late, so at this point, would you rather me stay or leave?”

Let me explain something. Girls, under no circumstances should you EVER ask a question like this. There is simply no reason to let a guy even consider that you’d be okay with being shown the door. Now, I’m no dummy. I know that she was asking the question because she expected me to say something along the lines of, “Of course I want you to stay, baby!” Unfortunately for this girl, she totally underestimated my both my levels of intoxication and general asshole-ness on this particular night.

Remember what I said about circumstances? Well, it was 4AM, I was utterly exhausted, I’d already gotten off AND she’d made it very clear that we weren’t going any further. And to top it all off, she gave me a way out!

I’m nice, but nobody’s THAT nice. So, in the nicest possible voice, I said, “Well, to be honest, I’m pretty tired so if it’s ok with you, I’d rather you just go.” I’m sure you girls can only imagine how she reacted to that one.

She threw her clothes on so fast it looked like she was going after the world record for speed dressing, and then proceeded to storm down the stairs with a look of pure evil on her face. She told me that I didn’t need to show her out, to which I responded that I did, because I needed to lock the door behind her. That only served to piss her off even more.

Finally, right before she left, she said to me, “Just so you know, THIS is the reason I didn’t sleep with you tonight.”

Puh-leeeease. By this point, I was pretty riled up by her reaction to my response to her idiotic question that I was almost trying to be mean. I gave her my most smug smile and replied, “Just so YOU know, if you HAD slept with me, I would’ve let you stay here!”

And then I slammed the door on her face, went to bed alone, and slept like a baby.

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