Spending the Night

angry couple in bed

Since re-entering the realm of singledom some time back, I’ve had no shortage of random sexual encounters, whether they be one night stands with girls I’ve met at bars, or first or second dates where the girl, I guess, is feeling pretty frisky.

But when the night has run its course, and all energies have been spent, the question still remains as to whether you should spend the night with your partner of the evening.

As a guy, I’m constantly torn between sleeping alone in my own bed and guaranteeing a good night’s sleep, or spending the night with the girl, possibly getting laid again the morning, meanwhile risking a sleepless night because I’m unfortunately one of those guys that absolutely cannot sleep with even the slightest bit of body contact.

Now, generally speaking, I’m gonna side with spending the night with the girl. I mean, c’mon. I can always catch up on my sleep later, and, as a rule, you don’t just turn down the possibility of good morning sex. But every now and then, certain circumstances will dictate that I do everything in my power to get rid of the girl as soon as humanly possible.

Allow to share a classic example:

A few years ago, I got fully picked up at a bar. It doesn’t happen often, but there are times when, totally bored, I’ll hit a bar by myself just to get out of the house and get a little drunk. And for whatever reason, when I go out alone, I’m like five times more likely to get picked up.

On this particular night, this extremely forward girl made it abundantly clear that she wanted to come home with me, and I was obviously happy to oblige. She wasn’t the prettiest girl I’d ever been with, but for an obvious one night stand, she was certainly pretty enough.

We arrived back at my place and immediately started going at it. As the hookup escalated, I did what I’m generally apt to do, took the initiative and went down on her for a while. Afterwards, she made it clear that she’d reciprocate, but then said those words that no guy ever wants to hear, “Just so you know, I’m not gonna sleep with you tonight.”

Now, I have a rant that goes along with this statement, but that’s for another post. Suffice it to say that in this case, I shrugged it off. Let’s be honest here… on a one night stand where I know I’ll never see the girl again, I’m typically just looking to get off. I have no problem leaving the method of choice up to the girl.

As she promised, the girl went down on me, for which I was very thankful, and by the time it was all said and done, the clock had crawled past 4:00AM. By this point, I was exhausted and ready to hit the sack, but it’s important to note that I was fully prepared to let this girl spend the night, because it’s the nice thing to do, and I usually pride myself on being a nice guy. But when I got back from the bathroom, she hit me with a surprise question. “So, be honest with me. It’s pretty late, so at this point, would you rather me stay or leave?”

Let me explain something. Girls, under no circumstances should you EVER ask a question like this. There is simply no reason to let a guy even consider that you’d be okay with being shown the door. Now, I’m no dummy. I know that she was asking the question because she expected me to say something along the lines of, “Of course I want you to stay, baby!” Unfortunately for this girl, she totally underestimated my both my levels of intoxication and general asshole-ness on this particular night.

Remember what I said about circumstances? Well, it was 4AM, I was utterly exhausted, I’d already gotten off AND she’d made it very clear that we weren’t going any further. And to top it all off, she gave me a way out!

I’m nice, but nobody’s THAT nice. So, in the nicest possible voice, I said, “Well, to be honest, I’m pretty tired so if it’s ok with you, I’d rather you just go.” I’m sure you girls can only imagine how she reacted to that one.

She threw her clothes on so fast it looked like she was going after the world record for speed dressing, and then proceeded to storm down the stairs with a look of pure evil on her face. She told me that I didn’t need to show her out, to which I responded that I did, because I needed to lock the door behind her. That only served to piss her off even more.

Finally, right before she left, she said to me, “Just so you know, THIS is the reason I didn’t sleep with you tonight.”

Puh-leeeease. By this point, I was pretty riled up by her reaction to my response to her idiotic question that I was almost trying to be mean. I gave her my most smug smile and replied, “Just so YOU know, if you HAD slept with me, I would’ve let you stay here!”

And then I slammed the door on her face, went to bed alone, and slept like a baby.



  1. Diana - NYU says:

    So I have a question…what would be the harm in letting her sleep at your place for a few hours? Is it really so much of an inconvenience that you'd rather let a girl trek home by herself at 4am?

  2. Andrew - University says:

    Usually, I'd say, no harm at all. But as I said, I'm unfortunately one of those guys that has a lot of trouble sleeping if there's someone else in the bed. Had she never brought it up, I would've sucked it up and let her stay over. But since she did, and I was wasted, having the bed to myself suddenly became a very attractive and totally viable option.

  3. Darcy says:

    I must say that a one night stand have no business playing word games with a guy she just met. So if she wanted to stay, she should have said so. What a moron.

  4. dili says:

    See, Girls just wanna get attention sometimes, and I admit I do that too. But dude, You could have gone to her place and left after you were done. Kicking someone out of your place right after shis done blowing you is a pretty shitty thing to do. I know the question was very tempting. But dude, sometimes life is not just about you. I know it was just a one night stand. But how could you let a girl leave at 4 am? What if something happend to her on her way home? Wouldent you blame yourself for the rest of your life?

  5. Andrew - University says:

    Well, I didn't go to her place because she lived like 30 minutes away and had driven to my part of town. She wasn't at all drunk, and claimed that she was fine to drive. She would've been just as likely to get into a car accident in the morning as that night. I slept fine.

  6. Katie says:

    The story would have been ok in of itself- she sort of asked for it. Your preceding rants, however, lead me to conclude that you're pretty selfish and that maybe you should see things from other peoples' standpoints.

  7. This girl did not understand the simplicity of the man creature.

    Ask question. Get answer.

  8. gregory dykes says:

    i want to meet you and have sex

  9. M.O. Michigan says:

    Wow! This made me laugh out loud! I love the honesty of this man!

    I came upon this post accidently while doing a search on U of M and sent it to my college-age daughter and her friends.

    A delightfully entertaining and well written piece. Thanks for posting.

  10. M.O. Michigan says:

    My comment to Katie and the other girls complaining on this thread..

    You see, that is why men lie to women. They are honest and tell how they really feel, and you start ragging on the guy and telling him how he should see things differently.

    This man is not selfish… he is male!

    And any man who tells you he loves cuddling up after getting off, is only trying to get off at your expense!

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