He’s Only Gay When He’s Not Making Laws

He may have tried to keep sexual orientation out of the definition of hate crimes and voted against same sex marriage, but an Idaho Republican senator really does love the gays—for discrete bathroom romps.

Larry Craig, who until Monday was a key player in Massachusetts’s governor Mitt Romney’s 2008 presidential bid, recently separated himself from the campaign for being a possible “distraction”.

Why would old Mr. Craig be a distraction?

Well, it seems that in June, he was apprehended by a plainclothes officer “investigating complaints of lewd behavior in an airport men’s room”.

The officer reported that the 62-year-old Republican “lingered outside a restroom stall where the officer was sitting, then entered the stall next door and blocked the door with his luggage.” The officer went on to explain that Craig then “tapped his right foot”, which is apparently a signal “used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct.”

To make sure he got his point across, Craig “touched the officer’ foot with his foot” and “proceeded to swipe his hand under the stall divider several times” after which the plainclothes officer put his police identification on the ground, no doubt causing Craig to lose any sort of pocket party he may have been fostering.

The father of three and grandfather of nine completely denies having homosexual tendencies, and even though he pled guilty earlier in August, now says that his bathroom actions were misconstrued.

Maybe the guy just needed some toilet paper, and thought rubbing the foot of his stall mate would be a lot easier than just asking for some. I mean, I often “swipe my hand” under a stall divider “several times” when I’m faced with an empty roll.

Wait a minute, no I don’t.