Show of hands, ladies—how many times have you been psyched when the guy you’re hooking up with starts heading downtown, only to be left confused and frustrated a few minutes later?
We’ve all been there. Things are going well, he’s got a good rhythm going, and then somewhere along the line, he’s doing that thing that you hate.
You shift your hips, clear your throat, wiggle around, but for some reason, can’t bring yourself to speak up and say, “uh, about 2 inches to your left, buddy.”
Five minutes later, you’ve given up and are mentally compiling your to-do list until it’s over.
The more my friends and I started complaining to each other about this, the more I realized just how big of a problem it is. One friend of mine has just resigned herself to that idea that as much as she loves her boyfriend, it’s just not going to happen. EVER.
Another is convinced that there’s something wrong with her. But guess what? According to sex advice column Ask Dan and Jennifer, just only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm. The key word here is “properly.”
Maybe it’s just too many years of Sex and the City influence, but my girl friends and I talk about going down all the time—suction, speed, tips and tricks. We’re eager to please.
Hell, even my gay guy friends joins in for a guy’s perspective. So, what about our boyfriends (or un-boyfriends)?
But apparently, this conversation isn’t happening across town at guys’ poker night, as evidenced by the scores of unsatisfied women out there. Men, listen up. According to Dan and Jennifer, 81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from oral sex, versus only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration.
If my math is correct, men should be spending a lot more time and effort down below. Discuss with your friends. Read a book. Study porn. Do something. Don’t get me wrong, I always appreciate the effort made. That slightly confused look of determination is really cute…but let’s be honest, determination alone doesn’t get anyone off. And there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris, more than on the head of the penis. There’s a lot of potential for pleasure there!
Of course, us ladies need to speak up a bit too and perhaps let him know that he’s about half a foot from where he should be. But you know what? We do just fine with minimal instruction from our men, so I think it’s only fair to just want him to figure it out by himself. It kind of kills the mood when you need to bark orders at him like a drill sergeant and put a metronome at the foot of the bed in order to get off.