Oral Education…Are You Listening, Guys?

oral sexShow of hands, ladies—how many times have you been psyched when the guy you’re hooking up with starts heading downtown, only to be left confused and frustrated a few minutes later?

We’ve all been there. Things are going well, he’s got a good rhythm going, and then somewhere along the line, he’s doing that thing that you hate.

You shift your hips, clear your throat, wiggle around, but for some reason, can’t bring yourself to speak up and say, “uh, about 2 inches to your left, buddy.”

Five minutes later, you’ve given up and are mentally compiling your to-do list until it’s over.

The more my friends and I started complaining to each other about this, the more I realized just how big of a problem it is. One friend of mine has just resigned herself to that idea that as much as she loves her boyfriend, it’s just not going to happen. EVER.

Another is convinced that there’s something wrong with her. But guess what? According to sex advice column Ask Dan and Jennifer, just only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm. The key word here is “properly.”

Maybe it’s just too many years of Sex and the City influence, but my girl friends and I talk about going down all the time—suction, speed, tips and tricks. We’re eager to please.

Hell, even my gay guy friends joins in for a guy’s perspective. So, what about our boyfriends (or un-boyfriends)?

But apparently, this conversation isn’t happening across town at guys’ poker night, as evidenced by the scores of unsatisfied women out there. Men, listen up. According to Dan and Jennifer, 81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from oral sex, versus only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration.

If my math is correct, men should be spending a lot more time and effort down below. Discuss with your friends. Read a book. Study porn. Do something. Don’t get me wrong, I always appreciate the effort made. That slightly confused look of determination is really cute…but let’s be honest, determination alone doesn’t get anyone off. And there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris, more than on the head of the penis. There’s a lot of potential for pleasure there!

Of course, us ladies need to speak up a bit too and perhaps let him know that he’s about half a foot from where he should be. But you know what? We do just fine with minimal instruction from our men, so I think it’s only fair to just want him to figure it out by himself. It kind of kills the mood when you need to bark orders at him like a drill sergeant and put a metronome at the foot of the bed in order to get off.

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  1. Matt says:

    Haha well your whole 'fair to want to let him figure it out for himself' is sooo off…

    It's one thing to put something in your mouth and move it in and out (granted dif't rythms and techniques are available)… but hell you've been doing it since you were a little kid (ever hear of popsicles and lollypops?)

    It's a completely different idea when you apply it to oral sex with a woman…each girl has her own spots that tease her the most, some girls the clitoris is so small it's like finding a polar bear in the rainforest (and you thought i was gonna say needle in a haystack [trust me on some girls this is an understatement]) not to mention the guy who's doing it knows whats been there before…so give him credit for even trying it on you, it probably took him time to build up the gumption and even then he's mostly doing it for you and to show he loves you.

    There are girls out there that love giving oral, I have never heard a guy say once in my life "awh i love the taste" or "it doesn't bother me that other guys have been in there before me possibly unprotected and i could potentially in theory be eating some other guys once future children"

    If I don't know the girls history, or know that shes a virgin or somethin, I usually won't go down on them unless i've been with them for a while

    And a girl who was on birth control before they commited to a long term relationship with me, will most likely never have that pleasure.

    I'm not against it, I actually enjoy it on the right girls (clean girls)

    But as a guy you always have to wonder if that really is grade A beef in your taco.

  2. Ashley says:

    wooooow. you are a "grade A" shithead.

  3. Mark says:

    And once again they key here would be…..COMMUNICATION. If you like it a certain way, tell him. Don't leave him to wonder whether he is doing it right. The mere fact that he's down there indicated a certain "willingness to please". So girls if he's going down on you, why waste the moment? Make sure that you encourage him to do what really turns you on. Tell him when he's "on the spot", so to speak. Gently guide him if you want it slower, faster, less direct etc. Believe me it will really turn him on. As a guy it has alway worked for me. Oh and girls, when he gets it right, return the favour!!

  4. Ben says:

    Well, thanks Matt for putting those vivid images and ideas in my head…I’d hadn’t thought about it in that sense…yeah, thanks for that *sarcasm*… anyway…i don’t see the problem, as long as, the girl is clean, and since every girl is different, I’m all for a little instruction…I want her to get hers just, as much as, I want to get mine and if she gets hers…there’s almost a guarantee of a repeat performance…Oh, and no return favour is needed…I love my job!

  5. Paul says:

    Haha. Matt – What kind of whore are you going down on that you think some other guy was there so recently? Wow. What school do you go to that some girl gets banged (unprotected) and then shortly thereafter finds some jackass to go down on her (although, for the girl, to realize that Matt would be that jackass is pretty funny…)?

  6. kathy says:

    Damn Matt! How does the girl know where YOUR thingy has been? Are you saying you only want to go down on girls who have never been with anyone, but you expect them to wrap their lips around the previous yeast infections, potential STDs, etc. of every girl with whom you've ever done the dirty deed? Man what a hypocrite!

  7. alonna says:

    Matt you’d be better off sucking ur own “member”. Such an asshole…..

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