Are My Nips Showing? Awesome.

Do you love helping people figure out how cold it is in a room?

By Jess

Are you really into guys staring at your chest?

Have you always wanted nipples that were huge and robot-like?

Then get yourself a pair of bodyperks.

“Draw attention to your natural assets,” exclaims their website, “They make you look and feel wonderfully sassy.”

Before a reader can begin to ponder the word ‘sassy’ and why anyone in this day and age would use it, the website goes on to explain what exactly bodyperks are:

“They are lightweight, natural colored, silicone nipples that you insert into your bra and place directly on your own nipple…Create your own look and wear them with tight t-shirts, sexy halters, dresses, twin sets, swimsuits and more”.

Of course. Fake nipples. Exactly what I’ve always wanted.

Not to be wildly judgmental, but if you’re inserting erect plastic nipples into your bra, you might just be an attention whore. An attention whore who’ll have a lot of explaining to do once someone gets interested enough to check out the merchandise.

And I do mean merchandise.