Leave Britney Alone! (Or Don’t)

Leave Britney alone!

No? You don’t want to either? Like the majority of America, I watched the Video Music Awards for one thing and one thing only: Britney’s comeback.

Criss Angel was going to help her walk though mirrors. Maybe there’d be smoke. A snake? High wires? Explosions! Something big.

At 9:00 pm on the dot I ran out of the shower and sat in front of the TV like a little kid on Saturday morning, eagerly awaiting one of the “biggest comebacks in decades”.

And then, we all know what happened.

I don’t know a lot about dancing, but I know that when you start off your routine looking like an awkward 7th grader at their first boy/girl dance, something is wrong. I also know almost falling over in your shoes and needing your dancers to help you up and down steps is something my grandma does (except my grandma doesn’t use dancers…that would be excessive).

50 Cent seemed confused, Rihanna laughed her ass off, and Mindfreak Moron was nowhere to be found. There was no smoke, no theme, and not even a good costume (you’ve had two kids, girl. Give those sequined undies a rest).

However, some people are just begging you to leave poor Brit alone. She “doesn’t deserve” this media backlash, they say. She’s “not well”.

Well, not only is this the silliest defense I’ve ever heard (last time I checked someone can’t force coke up your nose or a drink down your throat) but this over-the top little man is the original Drama QUEEN. He’s truly unbelievable.

As for Brit not being “well”…she’s an addict, but you don’t catch a drug addiction. It ain’t the flu. She got herself there.

Truthfully, it looked like Spears not only forgot some of the words to her highly repetitive song, but she forgot all the steps. The number was at times so painful, so lackluster, I was instantly flashbacked to a performance of my first grade’s Thanksgiving Spectacular show where I blanked on all the steps in the Turkey Jiggle.

I looked ridiculous, but I was 8, and had an audience of 20.

…and I wasn’t dressed like a bedazzled ho.

What do you think? Is this the end of the line for the weird wonder?