College Candy

In light of the start of the new school year and a spate of “things you shouldn’t be doing” posts, I’m taking a cue from everyone’s favorite girlfriend, Vanessa Hudgens, and offering up a piece of advice of my own.

Girls: for the love of all that is holy, please stop taking naked pictures of yourselves and sending them to people. And while you’re at it, try not to make any sex or masturbatory videos of yourselves either. Haven’t we learned yet that when you send out this sort of thing to one person, you end up sending it the entire internet community?

I have no doubt that the girls who partake in these activities look amazing in the buff (hell, I’ve certainly seen my fair share of these videos). But is turning on your boyfriend by sending him a webcam video of you and your favorite dildo really worth the embarrassment when, heaven forbid, your parents or best friends catch wind of the video?

It never fails that these pictures and videos leak out. There was the girl from the University of Wisconsin who made like five videos of herself dancing and masturbating to the tune (appropriately enough) “I Touch Myself.” Then there was the girl who made a sex-tape with her boyfriend, and then proceeded to cheat on him. What followed was an amazing faux-Mastercard commercial that the now ex-boyfriend sent to EVERYONE, including the girl’s father.

Here is the truth as plainly put as I can make it. There is NO male anywhere on this planet between the ages of 15 and 30 that would keep something like this to themselves.

Period.

It’s our nature to show at least someone, and once one person finds out, it won’t be long before the entire cavalry knows about it. I should know. I was once the lucky recipient of some very saucy Polaroids when I was a freshman. They hadn’t been in my possession for even thirty minutes before every single guy (and a majority of the girls) in my entire dorm had seen a glimpse. And those were just Polaroids. If they’d been in a digital format, Lord knows I would have emailed every person I knew, and probably many that I didn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining in the slightest that girls seem adamant about continuing to make these videos. They provide plenty of entertainment for red-blooded males everywhere. And I’m sure that every time you guys decide to make one of these videos, you’re bowled over by your guy’s assurances that he’ll of course be the only person ever to lay eyes on what you’ll send him.

News flash: he’s lying through his teeth. Guys will say whatever it takes to get girls to take photos of themselves.

So, for your own good, just show off your body in real life. Because once your on the internet, there’s no getting off it.