She Told Me to Wear Stilettos and I Said: No, No, No

I have tried to walk in high heels my whole life.

Even playing dress up with my mom’s clothes, I would put them on and wobble carefully around the living room, fully aware that there was an allure about them, but also fully aware that the sensation of balancing on a thin little piece of wood wasn’t fun in the least.

These days, I have basically the same assumption about stilettos. They look awesome, but they feel like sh*t.

Camilla Morton, author of How to Walk in High Heels: The Girl’s Guide to Everything agrees with me when it comes to the ouch factor of such shoes, but wants us women to deal with the pain and wear them anyway.

“With the heel comes glamour, mystique, height and allure.” Morton writes, “Lofty, impractical shoes put you on your own personal pedestal, ready to meet the world. Heels are a gym workout in themselves. They slim, elongate, put off the need for liposuction, add grace and poise, and quadruple your self-esteem.”

The idea of wearing “lofty, impractical shoes” on a daily basis sounds ridiculous to me. Especially here in New York City, where my motto has always been “if you can’t run in them, don’t buy them.” I wonder if this woman walks at all; does she have to go up and down subway stairs, hike her two-week old laundry onto her shoulder and stumble into a laundry mat, or walk up four flights to get to her apartment?

“Heels are one of the most potent weapons a woman has,” Morton continues, “so why not stand on that portable pedestal and admire the view?”

Your uncomfortable shoes may be your “most potent weapon”, lady, but I’d thank you very much to keep me out of that generalization. I like to rely on more than just my footwear in this life.

Everyone has a right to their opinion, but I’ll never be convinced by anyone that stilettos should be worn every day. Break ‘em out when you have somewhere fabulous to go, but find something fashionable and comfortable the rest of the time. Suffering on a daily basis just so you can look good is for people who have nothing else to offer.

…and you’re not one of those.